The worst FANFIC ever written

[Agent Popsicle]

In this game, we all write different things that one would expect to happen in a horrible fanfic. So we're all collaborating on this to make a huge mass of stupid. THIS WAS INSPIRED BY A CONVO IN THE CBOX! You can write as much as you want, then stop and let someone else pick it up from there. Change things in the story at your own will or even MAGICALLY transition it to something else. Whether you want to botch up canon or turn this into the worst fanfic based on AM, I really don't mind!

KEEP IT CLEAN AND MAKE IT FUNNY!!!!!

I'll start I GUESS.

In a Galaxy FAR FAR AWAY! There was a weird derp up in the fabulous universe and caused the characters from Star Wars to get flung into our normal society....

[vader]

And then the Enterprise somehow stumbled upon the magical world of Equestria. Data scanned the surface and went "What the fuck? Ponies live here." And Captain Picard and Commander Riker went "What the fuck?"

As a good will ambassador, Captain Picard and Commander Riker beamed down to the surface and had brunch with Princess Celestia. And they chatted and had a gay old time and Captain Picard taught Princess Celestia how to fence. And Princess Celestia was so grateful that she used her magical powers to cure Captain Picard's baldness. But then he went bald again.

Meanwhile, Geordi LaForge and Dr. Crusher beamed down to Sweet Apple Acres. They said, "What the fuck?" when they saw magical, talking ponies working there. Geordi and Crusher worked hard on the farm, trying to help the Apple Family find more efficient means of harvesting their apples.

Just then, the Flim Flam Brothers showed up again, with a new and improved apple cider producing machine. Applejack told them to go away, but they refused, so Worf beamed down and killed the Flim Flam Brothers with a tomahawk. He had to do it with a tomahawk, cause he lost his Batleth earlier.

Much earlier, Worf had challenged Rainbow Dash to a spar and Rainbow Dash beat him. Worf gave Rainbow Dash his Batleth as a prize and was so humiliated, he committed ritual suicide -but not before killing the Flim Flam Brothers with a tomahawk.

Then Captain Kirk beamed down, cause Dr. Crusher had brought him back to life, and being the horny pervert that sexed so many countless green alien women, he immediately began to make some sweet sweet Captain Kirk love with all the ponies in Equestria because that's just what he does. Lots of ponies ended up having unwanted pregnancies, so Dr. Crusher went around giving them all abortions.

Then Spike was watching Rarity from afar, through her bedroom window, while he was up in a tree. Just then, the DeLorean DMC-12 from Back To The Future appeared, after having arrived from another point in time. And Marty McFly got out and said, "Where the hell am I?!" But he was twitching like crazy, cause he had bad Parkinson's disease.

And then Marty looked up, cause the DeLorean had appeared just below the tree Spike was in. Marty saw that Spike was FAP FAP FAPING and hadn't noticed him. When he looked at what Spike was FAP FAP FAPING to, he saw Rarity all naked as usual since ponies don't even wear clothes on a daily basis. He didn't care that Spike was spying on a naked pony, but knew only sick freaks FAPPED to ponies, so he climbed up the tree to beat Spike up.

But Marty's Parkinson's disease caused him to twitch so badly, that he couldn't aim his punches for shit, so he kept missing Spike with his punches. Then, he lost balance and fell outta the tree and hit his head. But that was okay, cause that cured his Parkinson's disease. Then he got Parkinson's disease again.

This changed the future and created a time paradox, so Colonel Roy Campbell shit his pants and said "What the fuck?! You've created a time paradox!" And Derpy Hooves had to reset the game, only Derpy had been censored by dumbfuck, politically correct Hasbro, so the universe ended.

Then the Death Star appeared over Equestria and was about to blow it up, but the Enterprise stopped it. So Darth Vader flew down to Equestria to rant and cuss out all the ponies for not letting him blow their planet up. Then Worf beamed down again, cause Dr. Crusher had brought him back to life. He and Vader got into a fight and Vader won, but because Vader wasn't a pony, Worf didn't commit ritual suicide out of humiliation.

Then Pinkie Pie came along and started to sing a song, but Vader Force choked her to shut her the hell up. Data, who had befriended Pinkie Pie and Pinkie Pie taught him how to say the F-word, tried to stop Darth Vader. He distracted Vader just long enough for Luke Skywalker to come outta no where and cut off Vader's right hand, thus disarming him. But Jesus appeared and put Vader's hand back on.

Then Darth Vader, Jesus, Pinkie Pie, Luke and Data sang a song about cutting off people's hands; but not before Jesus damned Spike to Hell for masturbating to Rarity.

Then, in a cocaine induced stupor, Tony Montana came out and told everyone to say hello to his little friend. Then he started shooting everyone with a machine gun. Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker deflected the bullets with their lightsabers just long enough for the Terminator to teleport in from the future just behind Tony.

The Terminator stood up, beat up Tony and took his clothes, cause he was naked. Then the Termiantor explained that he came here from the future and followed a strange guy with Parkinson's disease and a time traveling car back to this time.

Twilight Sparkle came out and started to write a note to Princess Celestia about all the things she's learned, but Vader stopped her. Then Darth Vader turned Twilight into a Sith, because of her magical powers. And Twilight took her new red lightsaber and killed all the other ponies with it, cause of how much she's hated those annoying bitches. But Dr. Crusher and Jesus revived them all.

Then Obi-Wan Kenobi appeared outta nowhere and set Darth Vader on fire again, and Twilight magically wasn't a Sith anymore. Twilight apologized to all her friends for killing them, but they beat her up cause she killed them. And also because of what an annoying, nerdy bitch she was. Even Pinkie Pie beat her up.

Then Pinkie Pie, Obi-Wan, Luke, the Terminator, Jesus, Dr. Crusher and Data sang a song about annoying nerdy bitches and beating them up.

( GIZMO'S EDIT! Cause I did some minor editing, I'm mentioning it here. Didn't edit it too much, but just an itty bit <__< it was JUST a little overboard so...YEAH =www= only a little cause I changed a pinch bit to avoid potential issues.)

[Mr. Gold]

....and then Storybrooke was overrun with demons. BUT THE ONLY THING THAT COULD STOP THEM WAS NOT EMMA, NO. It was SPARKLY McPERFECT; OC OF THE CENTURY! She was a Space Marine Chaos Lord Archon with a thirst for the blood of demons. Oh, and she was Mr. Gold's girlfriend, Regina's daughter and Emma's BFF. SO SHE SET OUT, laser scythe/keyblade/buster sword/chuck norris in hand.

EVENTUALLY SHE REACHED THE DEMONS, who were so EVIL that they wanted to HURT SPARKLY. =O WHO WOULD WANT TO HURT SPARKLY? SHE WAS PERFECT AND NICE.

BUT THEN... Mr. Gold showed up and was all "QUICKLY SPARKLY. HENRY IS LEADING THE DEMONS." Sparkly GASPED and ran to the demonic palace of Henry, which is in hell. She got to hell with her hellmagic that she has because she does. "STOP THERE, HENRY." she shouted. "YOU ARE MAKING THE DEMONS!"

"NO SPARKLY" Henry cried out "YOU ARE THE DEMONS."

And then Sparkly was a zombie...

[Regina Mills]

Even though Sparkly was a zombie, she was still the most attractive, intelligent and non-smelly zombie ever. In fact, she pretty much didn't have any of those unattractive normal zombie traits, because she was a super-zombie who sparkled in the sunlight, dressed in dark goth clothing, and drank blood.

Actually she was pretty much just a vampire but a lot better.

Anyway, on top of all of that other stuff Sparkly was also the Slayer, so she knew exactly what to do about all those demons in Storybrooke. With one flutter of her alluringly long eyelashes (maybe she's born with it?), she killed them all with her hax-ness. Except for Henry; her demon-killing powers magically knew not to kill him and instead just turned him good again.

From then on, everyone loved Sparkly even more than they all already had. Emma suddenly believed in the curse. Regina turned nice for no particular reason. Mr. Gold was so enchanted by her that he immediately proposed to Sparkly on the spot. Hopefully, marriage and true love's kiss would break Sparkly's zombie vampire curse. The only problem was, Mr. Gold wasn't the only person Sparkly loved. She was torn between him, another vampire, and a werewolf. How was she supposed to know which one was her true love?

"Only I know the answer to that." said Obi-Wan Kenobi, who had walked there from Equestria. It was only two miles down the road from Storybrooke.

"Why?" asked Sparkly.

"Because I know everything." Obi-Wan replied. "Unfortunately I can't tell you, because I don't want to. You must find out the answer for yourself."

Sparkly was so brave that she was willing to take on any challenge. "What must I do?"

"Travel to Mount Doom in the Land of Mordor." Obi-Wan told her.

"And I will find my answer there? My true love?"

"No, but by the time you get there you should have more than enough time to decide which one of your three boyfriends you want to be with. Go now."

[Sherlock Holmes]

But Obi-Wan was ACTUALLY BELLE who was jealous because Sparkly stole Mr. Gold from her!

Belle had gained eternal dark powers from the Necronomicon, which was just in that clock tower that had some kind of importance in OUAT. BY THE TIME SHE REACHED MORDOR IT WAS TOO LATE...

Belle was waiting there with an army of the most evil people ever, including Emma and Agent Popsicle because those people are cunningly evil.

Agent Popsicle, dressed in an outfit similar to Wesker's, whispered deviously. "We have set her up the bomb." Emma chuckled and pulled out a laser canon. But it didn't work because Sparkly's love for Mr. Gold and those other two was too much.

And then the other two died and she got to live with Mr. Gold happily ever after. UNTIL BELLE RETURNED....

[lilred]

-has need for bad fanfiction- -revives thread-


...AND PROCEEDED TO LAUNCH A PLOT TO TAKE OVER ALL OF AM.


"We have to stop her!" shouted Sparkly, who automatically knew what Belle was up to because she had suddenly developed the power to read minds.

"Well," Mr. Gold began.

"Nope." Sparkly held up a hand. "I can read your mind, so there's really no reason for you to talk anymore."

"But - "

"Nope."

"...Alright."

What Mr. Gold had been trying to tell Sparkly, however, was that Belle was recruiting ANOTHER army of darkness who were going to attempt to steal the Elder Wand from Harry Potter.

"I will get it for you, sir." said Lucifer, who'd been working for Belle the whole time.

"Yes you can." said Belle. And Lucifer had the most evil plan ever to obtain the Elder Wand...

[bravescot]

UNTIL OH SO SUDDENLY AND UNCOINCIDENTALLY...

Dory the fish, along with her adopted son Nemo, appeared on the scene!! Dory began to speak whale. IN FACT, she used her most powerful and totally-not-hax power, whalesong. She sang a beautiful song (in whale) that was so magnificent that everyone listening had to cover their ears just to hear it properly. Belle fell under the spell of Dory's whalesong and fell to her knees, weeping. She realized that LOVE WILL ALWAYS FIND YOU~! And, realizing she has to let Mr. Gold go, she took the Keyblade that Regina held, cause she was totally a Keyblade Master now and fought alongside King Mickey on a day-to-day basis, and released her heart and vanished into Light.

At the end of Dory's whalesong, the power of her amazing and fantastic voice turned the Elder Wand into the Youth Wand just as Lucifer managed to steal it from Harry. Now, instead of making its wielder really really old, it turned Lucifer into an infant, complete with a pacifier in his mouth. Red Riding Hood thought he looked so adorable that she adopted him and raised him to be good and kind and to love all humans. Right about that time, Gabriel lost his famous mustache and turned SUPER-DUPER EVIL and tried to take over the world...

[Sherlock Holmes]

But then it turned out that YEARS AGO WHEN THEY WERE IN HEAVEN Lucifer and Gabriel switched places, thus making the baby Gabriel and the evil one Lucifer... in real names, at least...

But none of that was relevant because then Batman showed up on the scene and, with a single uppercut, defeated Lucifer. AND THEN GALACTUS SHOWED UP and say "LONG TIME SEEN, BATMAN..." and Batman then whaped Galactus in colth and took him in as his son.

MEANWHILE AT MONDOR Loki, Nyarlathotep and Nona were playing an EVIL game of hopscotch when they decided to take over the world. THEY CAPTURED BELLE and put her in a dungeon or something, I dunno.

Then Batman showed up and shouted "LET BELLE GO" and then Loki, Nyarlathotep and Nona said "NO."...

[The Trickster]

Sparkly showed up because Sparkly always shows up and sais "I will save the everuy kindom! Do not you wory!" Loki and Nyarlathotep and Nona laughed cause they said NO earlier. Tjheyu were not about to say yes just because Sparkly has rainbow hair all of a sudden. Belle gried out "HELP ME" cause she was all sad and scared about all this and no where near being an independent woman of values.

Mr. Gold said "I will save you!" and Bell said "OH MY LOVE YOU CAME BACK!" and Loki said "Fat chance you fools" and Sparkly said "Guys, there's no need to talk! I raed minds, remembur?" and Nona said "Guys the hair is shiny and I need booze" So Loki and Nyarlathotep summoned booze and best friend shirts.

They were friends.

Sparkly said "Enuf! I'm going to stop you all because I can!" Belle said "Yay!" Sparkly said "I know what you're going to say already, speaking is pointless" They all agreed cause Sparkly is right all the time. But they have gold fish memory so we'd hear them talk soon enough.

UNTIL

Dramatic paus

Nyarlathotep turned Sparkly into a hair pin!

"OH NO" said everyone but the bad guys

Nona said "That's what we said. Without the oh" and Loki said "Oh u" then Nyarlathotep played sitcom laugh tracks cause that's his niche....

[Hazama]

Until suddenly, Captain Planet arrived, fresh from his voyage to Mount Doom to destroy the one ring, however this time he didn't destroy it because he couldn't be corrupted because he was made out of rings, so instead he made eleven hundred one rings and wore them on his appendages so he could be more powerful and much a better legend in the world and so he thoughts Nyarlathotep with his rings and Nyarlathotep disagreed with the thoughts and exploded seven times and blew Loki up with the sheer force of explosionism and the magic turned Sparky back from a hair pin into her true form as the princess of the galactic rebellion and nyarlathotep into his true form of double hitler nyarlathotep woman version with a panzer tank for legs that was so powerful he blew up all of the one rings and Captain Planet cried himself to death leading to the ultimate battle...

[Sherlock Holmes]

Between Sparkly and Nona becus Nona had actually been Nyarlathotep the whole time and Sparyl used her ferind powers for battle. trhe batle began with Nona using her power beam of destructive migth and conquering every dimension expet the one thery were fighting in because that was Sparkly loved to life. Spakrly summoned Azathoth and started throwing thing at NOna because Nona was being mean. And then Azathoth was liek "Hay guys and am i going to be a part of thins?" and then Nona, Loki and Nyarlathotep said "NO" and then Loki and Nyarlathotep died again/became Nona.

Ad then the ultimate battle ended and Sparkly and Nona wnent to Nona's zoo...

{I LEFT ALL TYPOS IN}

[Methos]

And another arrived in the middle of the... chaos and he had looked upon this and blinked "And I though the Four horsemen during the Bronze Age was messed up," and he saw this and blinked as he pondered "My Precious..." he says as Methos all of the sudden sounds like Golem. "We mustes has our PRECIOUS" and he does have a lot of voices in his head for all of the Immortals he has killed and taken their power in 5000+ years.

[irene]

"No you cant have Precious!!!!" shouted Sparkly. Precious was her beloved pet shih tzu and no 1 was aloud 2 touch her. anyway Sparkly was at Nona's zoo so she put Precious in the line cage where she would be safe., because when Sparkly was a bby Regina put her in woodsand to dye and luckily some lions found her. her adopted parents are Mufasa and Sarabi, They raised her so all lines are nice 2 her now.

But Nona had pet zebra. "Kick her in the face!!!" shouted Nona. The zebra kicked Sparkly in the face.

"Nope" said Sparkly and threw the whole reptile house @ Nona.

The snakes got out and Nona was a parselmouth so she made the snakes attack Sparkly ass well.

all of sudden they had bigger problem to deal with. Tony Tim was coming!!!

[slayer]

and tony dim had taalied himself with dealdes the squirrel for a truly ebilv combination of peepl. thet were the prepz and pozerz that the goffs like sparkly (who changed her name to Darkly after being goff) wanted to kill.

tony tin said "give us all your moneky" and darkly said "um no ur not goff lol" and then deadles asadi "haey we re gonna kill ur boyfrn mr. gold unles you give us ur monkey" and darkly said "um no" and then they killed mr. gold

at mr. gld's funeral superman showed up and brogt him bac to life. batman was thear too but he didn't. so then the group of darkly, mr. glod, superman and batman had to go and beat up deadles and tony tim. and they did.

THEN THE FRIGHT BEGAN

and they saw that a mamn named doctur weirdd (i couldn't remember his name lol) was fighting tony tim and htne a bunch of swords appeared and doctor weird ased "omg?" and it was chuck shurley who use godpowers to beat up the badguys.

And then Laura