Hazama
Villain
Smooth Criminal
"I may be a twisted son of a bitch young lady, but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings!"
Posts: 76
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Post by Hazama on Aug 15, 2012 16:17:30 GMT -5
Dear Miss Halliwell!
Thank you for your purchase! I hope you enjoy your seventeen year subscription to "Yiff Weekly", as well as your lifetime supply of various lubricants that come free with our magazine! Enclosed in the packaging, you will find the aforementioned issues of our prodigious lifestyle magazine and lubricant, as well as the supplies needed to make your own personal fursona! Happy trails!
-- Rainbow Moonbeam,
Editor-in-Chief of Yiff Weekly
TIRED?! ANGRY?! NOT GLAD?!
SILENCE YOU ILLS WITH THE ROD OF GRASPINGS. USING THE GRASPINGS, YOU CAN SHOOT THE OTHER MONSTERS FROM THE SKY, OR THE WATER, WITH THE AGAIN. PUT BAG INTO ROOM TO SEE THE SMELLS UNLEASHED! ACTIVE WHALES ENTER SEEMLESSLY! ALLS YOU! THANK YOU FOR PURCHASMENT!
STEP ONE: USE ROD
STEP TWO: ASSEMBLE IT
STEP THREE: USE ROD
STEP FOUR: CATCH THE MONATERS!
ALL IS HAPPY WITH GRASPINGS ROD!
--- !!!!!!!!
Ms. Halliwell
when i woke up 1 day, i ded because of car acdercent. when i wak up, dere wuz angelz n' i sward god n he sad to me why are you doing to your fends?' i told hem abut mah lie an al my sin an he miled and said 'why arent the world around'? when i wok up, all mah life was chaed n now yu can to!
send thi message to all o yur frend becuse of the goad.
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Post by Phoebe Halliwell on Aug 15, 2012 16:27:27 GMT -5
Dear...Rainbow Moonbeam,
Excuse me? I didn't subscribe to any magazine...and I don't like the sound of that one. While I'm sure it's...great, I'm gonna have to cancel my subscription. Sorry!
Also, if you know anything about the very weird...advertisement I just got, please let me know.
Yours,
Phoebe Halliwell.
Dear Troubled Individual,
You must be going through a very difficult time in your life. I can't endorse chain letters, but I can give you a little advice: focus less on the angels and more on some well-worth it courses in basic English and grammar. ..Good luck with that!
Yours,
Phoebe
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Post by Yu Narukami on Aug 21, 2012 1:36:26 GMT -5
Dear Phoebe,
I'm a senior in High School, and I have something of a dilemma in my love life, and I was hoping you could help.
I have a very close knit circle of friends, and I consider them all very near and dear to me. Among this group there are several women who I have the utmost respect for and consider to be irreplaceable to me. We've gone through plenty of trials and tribulations together, and I don't think any batch of friends could be closer. But here is my problem.
I believe every single one of these women are romantically interested in me.
What should I do? While morally I know it's improper to court all of them,
I feel close enough to warrant a relationship with each of them. Most importantly though, I don't want for us to fracture as friends. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Yu
PS.
One of them may or may not be male. Please help.
Please help soon.
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Post by Phoebe Halliwell on Aug 21, 2012 2:34:47 GMT -5
Dear Yu,
High school can be a crazy complicated time for romance, I get it. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but...well, let's focus on the present!
What you need to keep in mind is that after all you've been through together, your friendship with these girls (and um...guy?) should remain the most important thing. You sound like you don't want any of them to get hurt, so it's important not to lead any of them on while you make a decision. And when you make that decision, you need to consider: who do you have feelings for? A relationship can't work unless both people are equally invested, and so however much you might not want to hurt the others, that's what you have to base your decision on.
If that fails, consider who compliments you the best - who do you see it having the best chance of working out with?
In terms of not hurting your other friends, reassure them that you don't value your friendships with them any less. Make an effort to show that. Romance can be just the thing to ruin good friendships, unfortunately, so if none of what I've suggested sounds plausible to you and you don't know what else to do...just don't pick any of them. There are plenty of other girls - or guys, whatever floats your boat - out there who wouldn't complicate things as much. Because really, if you're all friends, your choosing one over the other won't only hurt your friendship - it'll hurt their friendships as well. Choosing someone outside your circle, or choosing no one at all, might feel much less "personal" to them.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck!
Yours,
Phoebe
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Post by slendermang on Aug 21, 2012 2:42:57 GMT -5
Dear Phoebe,
Hey, I've got a question. What would you do if you thought you were being stalked?
Every day for the past week or so I've been seeing this guy in a suit wherever I go. Since I've been trying to avoid him, I never got a good look at him. Whenever I look at him I feel kinda... sick. It's weird. I'm almost sure he has no face or he's wearing a mask...
I don't even know what I'm doing right now. You're the last hope I've got here, since nobody else will believe me about this guy. Not the police, even when he was right there in front of them. God, I don't even know what to do...
Signed,
Thomas Kingsman
{attached is a smaller note, written in red ink}
aDvicE wiLl NoT saVe hIm
welp i tried to write something humorous but slendy is slendy ;__;
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Post by Phoebe Halliwell on Aug 21, 2012 2:52:56 GMT -5
Dear Thomas,
I'm gonna go with my gut here and say you aren't crazy. Whatever's after you, it isn't human. Could be a demon - could be some spirit entity - could be something worse.
For right now, look into some basic supernatural protection methods. I'm partial to Wiccan purification rituals, but you might not...have all the equipment necessary on-hand for one of those. So, try things like crosses, holy water, salting your doors and windows...
Try not to go places alone if you can avoid it. And if all else fails, I've included my address and phone number on the back. My sisters and I have some experience in protecting people from this kind of thing. We'll do our best to help you out.
Please take care,
Phoebe
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Post by dean on Aug 21, 2012 3:07:15 GMT -5
Phoebe,
Hey. I heard you're sort of in the hunting business, like with magic and stuff?
Yeah, I'm trying to find a wizard? He kinda kicked my ass the last time I saw him, so I looked into some people and found you. So, I guess you know a lot about fighting evil wizards.
How do you do it? Y'know, killing wizards and stuff. They've got magic and can block bullets. It's getting annoying, especially since this guys kinda in the way of something I need to get. Plus he's kind of working for the devil, so I need to kill him quick.
Signed,
Paul McCartney {notdeanatall}
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Post by Phoebe Halliwell on Aug 21, 2012 3:26:10 GMT -5
Dear Paul McCartney (nice name),
I guess you could kind of call what I do 'hunting'. I've never actually had to fight a wizard or warlock without using magic, though, so this is kind of a new one for me.
Even as a wizard, he should still have human weaknesses...assuming he can't heal himself. You're in trouble if he can heal himself. If not, why not use the element of surprise? I know it's not very 'brave', but he can't block what he doesn't see coming.
Better yet, if you've got some time on your hands, try tracking down these ingredients:
Boil water, then crush and mix together:
-Valerian Root
-Yarrow Flower
-Nettles
-Rosemary
-Billingsroot (common name - ginger!)
Stir for about three and a half minutes, then add:
-Pinch of dandelion
-Dash of chickweed
Let cool. Slip it into his drink. Strips his powers, just like that - and it works on most magic users!
Also...wait. What? Devil?
Yours,
Phoebe
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Post by Yu Narukami on Aug 21, 2012 10:54:01 GMT -5
Wait.
You answer questions about high school romance on the same page you inform people on how to assassinate devil worshiping wizards?
...
Yu
PS
In your previous letter...were you implying...that I like dudes? o.o
...it's not usually my line, but...
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Bruce Banner
Hero
The Scientist
and
The Enormous Green Rage Monster
I'm not that kind of Doctor.
Posts: 15
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Post by Bruce Banner on Aug 23, 2012 22:06:24 GMT -5
Dear Ms. Halliwell,
I was wondering if you would know any good herbal ways of relaxation? Not like, illegal drugs or anything. Any candles or incense that could be burned? Or maybe a type of Yoga? Any good places to go that you can't easily be found bothered?
It's kind of dire....for me to stay calm, but ah--that's a personal thing.
Thank you for your time.
Signed,
"Mr. Green"
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Post by Phoebe Halliwell on Jan 10, 2013 5:44:13 GMT -5
BRINGING THIS BACK LIKE A BAWS
Dear Yu,
I cover a broad array of topics. That's what people like about this column!
Also, I wasn't implying anything at all - just making sure I had all my bases covered! It's never safe to assume anything in this day and age!
Yours,
Phoebe Halliwell
Dear Mr. Green,
Try drinking tea. Lots and lots of tea. Chamomile tea is what I recommend - it's extremely soothing, and great for your skin! Beyond that, you can never go wrong with some candles and incense - lavender works best. You never want to become too reliant on outside stimuli, though, so definitely look into some breathing techniques, or maybe take a yoga class? They're typically very calm, quiet, controlled environments, despite the presence of other people.
If you have the time, money, and inclination, I'd suggest taking a trip to Sedona. Absolutely one of the most tranquil, spiritual, and beautiful places on earth. That, and it sounds like you could use a vacation. You'll love it!
Good luck!
Yours,
Phoebe
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