Ask Phoebe~

[Phoebe Halliwell]

So! Phoebe Halliwell writes the advice column 'Ask Phoebe' for The Bay Mirror, so I figured it'd be fun to make a little IC thing out of it. Have your characters write to her for advice if you wish - whether you want it to be silly, troll-tastic, random, or an actual authentic problem that you're character is dealing with.

Basically, she does this for a living, and she answers every letter she gets, no matter how ridiculous. However, only a few actually get published in the newspaper - so there's a slight chance that your character's business might be, you know, put out there or whatever. NBD.


ASK AWAY IF YOU DARE. inletterformat!

[Loki Laufeyson]

Dear Phoebe,

I have discovered something most regrettable about my cat this morning - it turned out that he had demonic abilities and was threatening to destroy the city! Now, I've trained my cat well, so I have no idea what brought this on. All I know is that now he's enslaved half of the people in New York and his army seems to be growing! What should I do?
~ Tom Hiddleston

{totally not from loki nope}

[Phoebe Halliwell]

Dear Tom,

A cat with demonic powers is definitely not normal, so I'd take care of that ASAP. Like infants, animals don't have too much moral sense of right and wrong, especially when it comes to things like using magic. And since you say your cat is normally well-trained, this was probably triggered. Here are a few things you can do!

-Slip him a power-binding potion. I could recommend a few recipes, but you may need to alter them a little for...feline consumption.

-Take him to a vet. If there are supernatural animals out there, there are probably supernatural vets.

-Find out what the problem is! Kitties usually get angry or violent when they feel that either they are not getting enough attention, or their territory is being threatened. ...In this case, it seems like his territory is New York, and...the threat is the people. So maybe you should move?

Good luck!


PS - If all else fails, use a squirt bottle!


Yours,
Phoebe





lol phoebe that was such a serious question i'm glad you took it so seriously

SHE SUSPECTS NOTHING....yet

[bravescot]

Dear Phoebe,

I need help! Me mum's constantly tryin' ta rule me life! She ne'er listens and she ne'er lets me do anythen tha' I want ta do. She keeps tellin' me how a "proper ladeh" should behave and I cannae take it anymore! Mah whole life has revolved around lessons and pointless rules!

And, now, she wants me ta get married! She's sent for these... suitors to compete for me hand in marriage! I donnae want ta get married and I certainly donnae want some men Ah've ne'er met to try and win me like I'm some sort of prize!!

What d'ye suggest I do?

Sincerely,
Merida, Princess of Scotland

[Phoebe Halliwell]

Dear Princess Merida,

Overbearing maternal figures is a problem I understand far too well. First of all, you're absolutely right to feel upset - it sounds like your mother is forcing you to be someone you don't want to be, and she's not being very open-minded in regards to your feelings. But honestly? I can't imagine she's doing any of this to hurt you. I know the whole 'she's your mother and she just wants what's best for you' thing is so cliche, but it's true - except in this case, she's basing what she thinks is best of you on years and years of tradition.

The thing is, change can be really scary sometimes, and it's hard to let go of values that you've upheld for so long. Keep that in mind when dealing with her. Try to put yourself in her shoes. Remind her that some times it's okay for tradition to be broken, and great things can come out of it. Find an activity that you and your mom can do together, something that you both enjoy - preferably something only involving you and her - and talk to her openly. Express how you feel while trying not to point fingers at her, and mention that you can understand where she's coming from too.

I'm willing to bet that in the end, what your mother wants more than anything is to see you happy. Remind her that if she decides who you have to marry, you're the one who's going to have to live with it for the rest of your life. Marriage is a something you have to want to commit to for it to work.

With a little communication and understanding, I think you guys can work this out! Best of luck!


Yours,
Phoebe

[Methos]

Dear Phoebe

I am old and have been married a few times. However, it seems that these marriages do not last long due to my past and how I have lived my life. Granted I have been mean and done things that would cause most people heart attacks, but over the years, I have changed and attempted to correct these incidents.

However, out of all the problems, love seems to be the hardest to fix, as no matter how hard I work to make things right, and do the right things, my past seems to creep up. What do you suggest on me fixing this?

Sincerely,
M

I was laughing as I was typing this, as Methos would never do this.

[Phoebe Halliwell]

PHOEBE FEELS THESE LOVE PROBLEMS, BRO


Dear M,

Love can be...really messy at times, and the truth is: there's more often than not a lot of pain involved, and it doesn't always work out. You sound like you know that as well as anyone. I know it can be frustrating to watch so many relationships fall apart, so I'd like to share a little something with you that someone close to me taught me recently: if love isn't worth fighting for, then what is? It's only hopeless when you consciously make the decision to give up on it.

It sounds like you've come a long way from the person you used to be, and that says a hell of a lot about you. You're not the same person you were, and ultimately there's only so much weight you can give the past. You learn from it, and then you move on - and once you learn to do that, it'll stop getting in the way of your everyday life. Focus on the moment. Enjoy it. Enjoy the person you're with, and trust that love, the next time you find it, is stronger than any of the baggage you're carrying with you from your past. If you really feel the need to distance yourself from what's happened to you, move somewhere new - travel - go somewhere where you can just....start over. If you do that, you might not have to try so hard to find love - it might very well find you.

And hey, if you follow through with this, and other problems pop up anyway, that's just part of having a relationship! Feel free to write to me about those too!


Yours,
Phoebe

[Tony Stark]

Phoebe,
Hey there. My name is Tony Stark or, as you might know me, Iron Man. The thing is, I'm guessing from your letter to Tom that you have some kind of magical prowess or something? Yeah, if that's right, I'm wondering if you can help me out. I'm fighting someone who has a lot of magic right now, as well as an alien army or something. Any idea how to fight a guy with magic like that?
Signed,
Tony Stark

[Phoebe Halliwell]

Dear Tony,

Wow. ...I, uh...guess Tom's spreading the whole 'magic' thing around, huh? Well. If I'd ever 'hypothetically' fought someone with powerful magical abilities and lots of minions at his disposal, I'd 'hypothetically' tell you that magic can be a tricky thing. It's hard to answer without knowing just what it is you're dealing with, but if he has magic and you don't - if he's more powerful than you are - then you have to be smarter than he is. Don't try to deal with him too recklessly, and don't try to do it on your own. Strength isn't the only thing that wins a battle, bit it can be if you don't plan things out enough.

Maybe, instead of thinking of your adversary as an all-powerful magic user, think of him as a person. What makes a person tick? What are their weaknesses? Usually their emotions, right? As...underhanded as that sounds, sometimes that's the only way to deal with someone who's a lot tougher than you are. Make them too angry to think, or exploit something they care about (um...preferably a goal or object as opposed to an innocent person), or dangle something they want right in front of them and use it to lure them to right where you want them.

...Um. This is all 'hypothetical' of course.

Also if you ever 'hypothetically' need magical assistance, you can contact me and my sisters at 1329 Prescott Street, San Francisco.

Hope this at least gives you something to think about, and good luck!

Yours,
Phoebe

[Hazama]

1329 Prescott Street, was it?

Be right there.

-- Anonymous

[Phoebe Halliwell]

Anonymous,

That was a personal letter! Stop going through my mail! D<

Phoebe

[Hazama]

You really need to redecorate by the way. I hope you don't mind, but I took the the initiative and painted over your walls while you weren't home. I'm sure you've noticed already though.

I'll expect my pay in your mailbox. Teal paint isn't exactly cheap y'know.

--Anonymous

[Phoebe Halliwell]

Anonymous,

Thankfully with demons breaking into our house every other week, we're used to much worse than a bad paint job as far as damage goes. Nothing a little magic can't fix - though I feel bad you put so much time into it!

Phoebe

PS. I hope you don't mind cats. Ours sheds everywhere and I just haven't had time to sweep lately...

[Hazama]

Oh that's alright! I love cats. Stir-fried and served with a side of lo-mein? Mm! Good eats!

Speaking of good eats, there may or may not be one or two or seven still stuck in the oven. You don't make alot of roast dinners, do you? They might not have eaten for a while...keep an eye out!

-- Anonymous

P.S.

You really shouldn't leave your social security number lying out and about like that...

[Phoebe Halliwell]

Anonymous,

You sure seem to be spending a lot of time at my house. I hope Piper doesn't catch you - she can get a little testy, especially when you mess with her oven.

And speaking of my sisters, Paige kind of has a weird thing for setting electric traps when she gets paranoid. So here is my advice to you, my dear anon: next time you drop by, watch your step!

Phoebe