my heart burdened be {the doctor}

[Oswin Oswald]

In the daylight hours, it often seemed all too easy for Oswin to forget about everything that occurred in the past year. Seeing the universe and what lay beyond the stars, traveling to distant planets and saving a few worlds in between was enough to distract anyone from the past. Particularly her, seeing as it was pretty much every dream she'd ever had coming true. Adventure and excitement waited at the beginning of each day, and any memories that might have lingered in her mind faded right away with each coming dawn. Oswin had never been more happy than she had been during these days, not even on the Alaska, where she'd been made to work, rather than see what there was to be seen. Here on the TARDIS, she and the Doctor had free reign, and the universe laid sprawled out before them, just filled with anything she could ever imagine.

At night, things changed.

Of course, Oswin slept better than she had in the past on the TARDIS. When she did sleep. Though the Doctor often insisted that she needed her rest to continue adventuring in the morning, Oswin wasn't really big on the whole sleep thing. Sleeping was boring and pointless, and who really needed it when they had time travel anyway? That wasn't to say her room on the TARDIS wasn't comfortable. After being let into her mind, the time-travel machine had fashioned a room that was near-perfect, with an enormous skylight right over her bed, so Oswin was able to watch the stars whenever she felt like it. Unfortunately, even comfort didn't change the fact that during her slumber, Oswin's memories were let loose in her mind.

She'd woken up before, but never with a scream. Not until now. And immediately after she'd gotten some sense of where she was, Oswin clapped a hand over her mouth, as if that would shove the sound right back where it had come from. As she sat trembling in her bed, her eyes darted around the dark corners of her room, as if expecting the glow from an eyestalk to suddenly appear. But, of course not, there were no Daleks on the TARDIS, not unless... Her hand immediately went to her cheek, and Oswin relaxed ever so slightly when her fingers made contact with soft skin, rather than cold, hard metal. Still human...and hopefully staying that way for a long, long time.

Though it was the middle of the night and she was only clad in an oversized t-shirt, Oswin swung her legs around to sit on the edge of the bed and stood shakily, still looking around her room in a nervous manner. Pulling the comforter from her bed behind her, she headed down to the console room, which was darkened slightly seeing as most of the inhabitants of the TARDIS were asleep, save for her. The thought struck her that maybe Em had heard her screaming, and Oswin hoped that she hadn't. She hoped the Doctor hadn't either...it had been a month now and she still hadn't completely told him the circumstances of her falling through the rift that she had. She hadn't lied, only said that an explosion was what had sent her through.

Truth be told, Oswin didn't know if she wanted to share the truth of what had really happened with the Doctor. In fact, she shuddered a little at the thought, still walking to the door of the TARDIS. No. She couldn't tell him, not if he reacted the way that his future self would. Oswin might not have been a Dalek now, but she had been, and wouldn't that be enough to warrant all of that disgust and loathing and fear? What would he do, knowing that a former Dalek was on his ship? Leave her somewhere, no doubt, and she didn't blame him at all. She knew what the Daleks had done to him, why would he want something of them anywhere near him? Quietly, Oswin pulled the TARDIS key from around her neck and unlocked the door, letting it swing open.

Sitting down on the edge of the doorway, she pulled the comforter around her shoulders, confident now that neither Em or the Doctor had heard her. Just a little while of watching the stars and she'd go back to bed, hopefully to have better dreams. With a soft sigh, she leaned her head against the doorway, the sight of the sprawling universe comforting her slightly. So long as this remained a secret, it would still be hers, forever.

[The Tenth Doctor]

The Doctor was fast asleep before he heard Oswin screaming. In that moment, he shot up in his bed and stood up as quickly as he could. He was still rather groggy from being asleep, but he was sure to get out of his room fast. He didn't even care that he was still wearing his striped pajamas, he thought that Oswin was in some kind of danger. It was supposed to be impossible to get inside the TARDIS, especially since he'd recently re-installed the isomorphic controls to the door and they were floating in the middle of space. However, one of his companions was screaming, so there had to be something wrong. The Doctor quickly ran down the TARDIS hallway to the console room. The hallways reminded him of the TARDIS before he'd renovated - blank white walls and nothing else. What could he say, he was nostalgic about the old days.

The Doctor reached the console room to find the TARDIS door open. For a moment, he panicked. He thought the door was open because something had managed to break in. But, it only took a second to register that someone was sitting in the TARDIS door looking out at space. It was Oswin. Did she just have a nightmare or...? The Doctor shut the door to the hallway leading to his room and walked into the console room. On the console, he found his brown coat, which he put on. It could get cold, being in a TARDIS wearing only your pajamas. The Doctor walked over to Oswin and sat down next to her. "So, what happened?" He asked, leaning against the wall. "I heard you scream and now... well, this. Why didn't you go back to sleep?"

[Oswin Oswald]

Too distracted with her thoughts and the stars beyond the door, Oswin didn't really register the footsteps headed towards the console room and merely shut her eyes, trying to will away the feelings that her nightmare had stirred up, feelings she usually kept buried but that were pulled up to the light when her subconscious was given free reign. Really, it wasn't even the realization now, no. It was memories of how the Doctor had looked at her, his eyes darkening and his mouth twisting into a expression of such digust. Because he hadn't been looking at the human girl he thought he would find, but a Dalek, one of the creature that had destroyed everything he'd ever held dear. And she didn't know if she'd be able to bear it if this Doctor looked at her that way.

Speaking of this Doctor.

Looking over her shoulder, Oswin felt her heart drop a little as she realized that he'd heard her screaming. Drawing her comforter a little closer around her shoulder, she looked away, back out the doors of the TARDIS. "Couldn't sleep. 'S fine, just had a nightmare." As he sat down next to her, Oswin couldn't help resting her head on his shoulder, inwardly wanting to be as close as she could be. Not for romantic reasons, but just to still know that her gateway to the stars, the Time Lord who'd rescued her twice now was still here. He didn't need to know the details of her nightmare, only that she'd had one and may or may not be in need of comfort. Oswin wasn't sure exactly how to communicate this verbally, so physically would have to do.

The urge to just unload her story on someone was rising, but Oswin knew that she couldn't. Not to Em, she'd probably be scared if she knew Oswin had ever been anything but human, and certainly not to the Doctor. Talking might make her feel better, but it would jeopardize her home in the TARDIS, and the idea of having to settle down on Earth and lead a normal life, after everything that had happened...she didn't even want to think about it. "Didn't mean to wake you...I'm fine, really." She was thankful that she'd calmed enough to sound sure of herself when she said so. The Doctor didn't need to hear her when her voice was all choked up or close to tears. Still, though she said she was all right, Oswin stayed close, watching the stars outside slowly float by.

[The Tenth Doctor]

The Doctor, after many years of traveling, knew the difference between 'couldn't sleep' and 'something horribly happened'. In this case something horrible had obviously happened. But why wasn't Oswin telling him? Was it too personal? The Doctor was used to knowing most everything about his companion, who usually led normal lives. Oswin was different. He knew next to nothing about Oswin's past. It was kind of weird for a time traveler to know next to nothing about someone he'd been traveling with for a bit now, but Oswin was technically from his future and apparently from a planet he'd never explored. But, he couldn't know everything about everyone, could he? In fact, he remembered not knowing quite a bit about his companions before. Still, he at least knew a little bit about them.

"Doesn't seem like you're all right to me." The Doctor said as he stood up and walked over to the TARDIS console. The TARDIS' console was a confusing thing, what with all it's buttons and levers and who knows what else. It was an old model TARDIS, considered inferior by the Time Lords when they were around. But, it was the only TARDIS for the Doctor. He'd rather have this TARDIS than some shiny new TARDIS that could turn into whatever it wanted and probably didn't make that noise when it appeared. Really, though, what's bothering you?" He asked, turning around to face Oswin again. The TARDIS was just passing by Mars, making the red planet visible from the TARDIS. The Doctor didn't like Mars. Mars was dangerous, what with it's Ice Warriors and such...

[Oswin Oswald]

Oswin appreciated the temporary quiet while the Doctor was obviously in thought. Letting her eyes slide closed, she moved a little closer to his side. Being so vulnerable in front of someone really wasn't her thing, but the Doctor was different. It was all right to let her guard down a little around him (not that it wasn't already almost all the way down after her nightmare), he wasn't about to judge his companion for being tired and maybe even a little upset. And it felt wrong to keep her past all locked away from him, but Oswin couldn't risk it. To see those eyes that normally help such warmth and kindness harden with hatred and disgust would be the thing that would truly break her this time around, in a way that everything else hadn't been able to.

And who would come for her, then, when she was left on Earth? Where would she go? No...Oswin couldn't risk putting herself in that situation. Being trapped on Earth again with no way to see the universe was not on her agenda. But, just how long could she continue to hide this? What if the Doctor found out in some other way, by accessing the Dalek files and coming across the account of a conversion gone wrong, the conversion of one Oswin Oswald, too strong and too smart to be completely converted. Would it be better or worse not to hear it from her? Technically, Oswin wasn't lying to him. Stretching the truth a little, but not lying. The Doctor might think she was, though...which left a choice between that and being left behind.

With a soft sigh, Oswin raised her head, watching the Doctor turn away and walk up to the console. He was probably still thinking, but what about? Trying to figure out what was really bothering her? She didn't blame him, her lies tonight weren't very convincing. Getting to her feet and leaving her comforter behind, Oswin walked up to stand beside him, resting a hand on the console and feeling it hum contentedly. The TARDIS had liked Oswin from the start, though Oswin was sure that she'd had to have felt the Dalek influence. "Just...things. Nightmares. Don't really survive an explosion without getting them, yeah?" Underneath her hand, the TARDIS gave a rather insistent hum and Oswin briefly flashed the console a glare that clearly said 'I didn't ask you.'

For a moment, Oswin was hesitant, still studying the console and no really meeting the Doctor's gaze. She was terrible at sharing her feelings, preferring to just shove them aside and keep moving forward. Lingering in something that was already over was pointless, especially since her life had been so very much improved since waking up in that graveyard a month or so ago (or however long it had been, time was weird when one traveled through it). Losing her chance to travel would be awful...but having the Doctor think even lesser of her, knowing she'd been a Dalek and she'd been lying to him would be even worse. "Never really told you...what happened before you met me, did I? She turned her gaze to the doors, looking out on the planet they were passing and the stars. It might be her last chance to see them like this.

[The Tenth Doctor]

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at Oswin's words. The Doctor had survived many explosions and he was quite sure that they weren't the reasons behind his nightmares. From what he knew about Oswin {which was admittedly very little, compared to the other companions that had traveled with him}. The Doctor glanced down at the TARDIS as it hummed. A sure sign that she was lying to him. The Doctor had experience many cases quite like this - someone trying to hide something by acting totally different. In fact the Doctor has done it before many, many times. As such, he knew exactly how to deal with this.

"Nightmares?" The Doctor asked, stepping over to the TARDIS' console. He would just have to let Oswin do what she wanted, in this situation. Whatever she had hidden she would tell him when she wanted to. Well, he was awake and certainly willing to listen what she had to say if she wanted to say it. The Doctor flipped a switch on the TARDIS console, pressed a few buttons and typed in a few letters on a random, stray keyboard. Unlike the TARDIS consoles he'd had before his Eighth incarnation, which were very sleek and clean, his TARDIS console was a mess of switches, buttons and random technology. Much more fun than the drab consoles of old, in his opinion.

With the familiar "vworp" sound of the TARDIS dematerializing, the traveling police box entered a vortex and soared through space. When it stopped, the TARDIS was in an entirely different place. It had traveled through space to be right nearby the planet Earth. One of the Doctor's favorite planets, really - possibly his very favorite planet of all. As Oswin spoke up again, the Doctor approached the TARDIS' door and stared out at Earth. "Don't think you ever did." The Doctor replied.