Character Development Logs!

[Monobindi]

I don't really know where this idea came from, but I thought it'd be kind of fun to have a place to gush about our characters and all the things that have happened to them and how much they've grown while on AM - so here we are!

Try not to write, like, ten paragraphs per character - this isn't the place for straight-up character essays, it's a place to summarize character development and just give people a little bit of insight! And remember, you can always update these later!

ANYA JENKINS
So Anya is my oldest character here on AM, and even though I don't use her as much as I used to, she still has a special place in my heart. Her actual character development in canon, as I've gushed about before, is fantastic. She is a demon who is struggling to learn to be human, and it's wonderfully written and totally hilarious and completely believable - and at times, pretty damn heartwrenching (there's an infamous moment, after a character dies, where Anya is experiencing grief for the first time and she has this monologue about how incomprehensible death is and it is absolutely one of Joss Whedon's best pieces of writing ever).

Here on AM, her human interaction skills are still...far from perfect. She's oblivious to many etiquette norms. She's horribly, horribly blunt. But her biggest problem is - and always has been - her inability to define herself. She's always defined herself through external means. "I am a vengeance demon", "I am a member of the Scooby Gang", "I am Xander's girlfriend". She doesn't have any real insight into who she is. Her and Xander breaking up was the push that it took to realize...how lost she really is. She died shortly after that in canon, and never really got to resolve the issue. Her time on AM hasn't really...helped her much. She's using her second chance to redeem herself, to make up for all the horrible things she did as a demon, and while that's all well and good...in truth, her attempts at being heroic aren't so much about redeeming herself as they are about her defining herself externally again. Anya the hero. It's just one more thing to cling to, one more way of trying to force herself to be something that she's not, instead of examining who she really is.

Over a thousand years, and she still has no idea who she is. It's sad.


REGINA MILLS
Regina. OhgodwheredoIbegin. Regina just has....years and years and years of issues that she's never dealt with - she still has plenty now - but when I first brought her here, she was a complete mess. And by mess I mean 'raging bitch who cursed everyone in her dimension to twenty-eight years of misery and would do anything to get vengeance on her actually-mostly-innocent stepdaughter'. There were a couple of things that helped to change that.

Most importantly, there was Henry. For a very long time, Henry was just about the only thing that tied Regina to humanity - and once the curse broke, and lost him. And the only thing she could think about was getting him back. That's really where her struggles to 'redeem' herself began - trying to do what was best for Henry, trying to be a good mother, and trying to win him over again. This, once again, brought up the issue of forgiving Snow and all that jazz, but even though it's a pretty vital step, Regina's kind of been avoiding confronting it. She's actually managed to be at least...remotely civil towards the Charmings thus far, though? And her trying to be a better person for Henry kind of made her a liiiittle less prickly, thus opening her up to the few-but-strong relationships she has now. Her friendship with Oswin has also been a major influence on her. Oswin's companion tendencies to jump in and help anyone who's in trouble often, by extension, get Regina involved in things too - if only for the sake of keeping Oswin safe. Generally, Oswin's also helped Regina to become a little more trusting, too.

Her relationship with Mithos started out as Regina just letting her maternal instincts get the better of her, but even after she discovered the truth about him, their ~INTENSE PARALLELS~ kinda formed this really unique bond between the two of them. I think they understand each other better than most people would, and I also think Regina's learned a lot about herself through spending time with Mithos. It's only through her 'therapy sessions' with him that she realized how much hatred has really poisoned both of them, and I don't think she would have made as much progress as she has if it hadn't been for that realization. And don't get me wrong - like I said, she's still got issues. Most of them now centering around her mother and the lasting effects of her childhood abuse. But she really has come a long, long way. And I'm proud of her for that.


MORGANA PENDRAGON
WELL SHE'S NOT FUCKING PSYCHOTIC YET SO THAT'S A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. No but seriously. I took Morgana from a point in her canon when she's kind of teetering on the brink of eeevilness, because I wanted to try and develop her more like I've always wanted to see her developed, rather than "LOL YEAH SUDDENLY COMPLETELY EVIL". And so far, I'm pretty happy with how her character development has gone. Like Regina, Morgana has probably been saved mostly by the friends she's made. She still has some serious trust issues, but she's a bit warmer and kinder and all around more genuine to people now than she was when I originally brought her here. She's gotten back in touch with her more compassionate side, which has been good for her. Another thing? Arthur finding out she has magic, and the fact that he's...well, if not completely okay with it, then at least not totally rejecting her for it. It's made her reevaluate some things, and she's realized how difficult it's going to be to betray her friends if she ever gets back to Camelot. She's hesitating.

Aaaand then Hazama stepped in and Ouroboros'd her and showed her flashes from her very-very horrific future. I mean, let's think about what all she probably would have seen: herself, as this deranged, disheveled, psycho-woman. The death of her sister, Morgause, because of Merlin. Multiple fights with Arthur. Multiple fights with Gwen. Those two, horrible years she spent being tortured. And, of course, Merlin ultimately stabbing and killing her. All of this is confirmation that pretty much everyone she loves will eventually betray her - and combined with Morgause's manipulation, this really, really hasn't gone over well. She's not sure what to do now. She's not sure who to trust, or who's side she should be on. For all her compassion, she also has a lot of bottled up resentment and bitterness, and that's slowly beginning to bubble to the surface. Morgana, for all the time I've had her here, has always been a character that could very easily go either way on the good-evil spectrum. And that's very much still the case now.


RUBY
I still wanna work on developing Ruby more, but for as little as I've used her in comparison to some of my other characters, she's done pretty well. She's just...I don't think even she knows what she's doing right now. Lucifer brought her back from the dead, and since then she's been pretty consistently loyal to him. But Ruby's loyalty is a...fleeting thing at best, and I'm not gonna lie to you. She could probably be swayed. Especially since she has some very particular feelings (and no one's really figured these out yet) for a certain Winchester brother. I'll give you a hint: it's not Dean or is it? :]. Ultimately, Ruby knows what Lucifer's plans are, and she knows he intends to use Sam as a vessel, but I think up until now she's really...avoided confronting exactly what that's going to mean. And it's probably an issue that she's going to be avoiding for awhile longer, until it inevitably gets thrown right in her face, buuuut she's planning on crossing that bridge when she comes to it.

Her views on things, apart from that, haven't really changed much. She's still kind of a bitch. She still pretty much hates humans (and angels, and demons, and okay p. much everything ever). And she's still...you know, a demon herself. She's not exactly remorseful for most of the things she's done, and she's very bitter about the whole 'going to hell and losing her humanity' thing in general. She did get some parallels and feels from Oswin that one time, when Oswin was explaining the Dalek thing. But that wasn't really enough to soften her up too much. So yeah. Lots more room for development here. We'll see what happens.



CASTIEL
Poor Cas is so underused, mostly because my muse for him is always so blahh. As a result, he hasn't really had much development on AM, at least. He very recently took what is kind of a huge step for an angel, and decided the whole 'use the apocalypse to kill a bunch of people and purify the earth' thing is kind of, you know, an asshole move. So he's turned his back on his kind and sided with the humans instead - or, more accurately, three humans in particular: Team Free Will. He's spent most of his time on AM helping them out. He's also come to realize that, because of all the rifts, the demons and other angels he runs into aren't...quite like what he's used to, a lot of the time. It hasn't been enough to stop him from hating anyone and anything even remotely demonic, though. Oh! And he's also made an...almost-friend? One besides Dean, Sam, and Bobby, that is. It's a pretty big thing for him. But yeah. Him and Agent Popsicle are total bros.


RED RIDING HOOD
Another one who hasn't gotten muuuch development. But hopefully that's going to change in the future, because she has plots! Anyway, Red's still kind of adjusting to the curse being broken, and figuring out what that means for her and for everyone from her world - but now that she can leave Storybrooke, she's been having a whole lot of fun with that. She was never meant to be cooped up - and now she has an entire world to explore. She of course still has the life-long struggle of being a werewolf to contend with. As of right now, she's pretty confident that she can control the wolf...buuut that tends to change when she begins to doubt herself, or undergoes too much emotional stress. She hasn't killed or turned anyone so far, though, and that's a big plus!


EM BRENEK
Em is...eleven years old, so I mean, I'm not expecting massive amounts of development for her. But she's managed to get pretty involved. She's sort of been temporarily semi-adopted by Team TARDIS. And while she misses her parents a lot, and still has a whooole bunch of issues at home that she hasn't dealt with yet, she's been pretty happy. She's gotten especially close to Oswin, who's something of a big sister figure to her, and traveling on the TARDIS she's been able to see a lot that most eleven year olds...don't typically get to see. But she's taken to traveling quite well. She's pretty fearless.

There is, however, that lingering issue of...the dybbuk. And how it's getting closer and closer to being able to possess her completely. The positive emotions that come with traveling with the Doctor and co. have held it off for awhile, but the inevitable fact is, its grip on her gets stronger and stronger by the day. She already has an unhealthy attachment to the dybbuk box - she won't let anyone near it, and actually gets violent if anyone tries to take it from her. And she's developed an extreme dislike towards anyone the dybbuk perceives as a threat - so, mainly Raidou. It's a tricky, dangerous situation, because if you make it too obvious that you're trying to stop the dybbuk? It'll probably be like "AH'LL BREAK EVERY BONE IN HYOUR BAWDY" (no, but, literally). Em remains oblivious to the fact that anything's wrong, however. She views the dybbuk as a harmless friend. Nothing more.


PHOEBE HALLIWELL
Phoeeeebe needs more development PLOT WITH HER PLEASE. No, but it's also my fault, because I don't thread her/have her in the ICC that much. But hey. She works to save the world from supernatural threats on a daily basis. She's allowed to be a little bit busy. also someone should take one of her sisters seriously


RIDLEY DUCHANNES
Ridley's my newest character, but thanks to the ICC she's had some time to get a bit of development in, at least. I took Ridley from the end of Beautiful Chaos because it...made the most sense? She'd already had three books to develop as a character, and the events of that particular book give her the perfect excuse to be like "LOLBYE" and come here. And she kind of...really wasn't in a good place when she first showed up here. She's really, really good at hiding her emotions behind false smiles and snarky words, but Link being like "o no ridlee ur dorksyded :O" and completely rejecting her really, really hurt, and given her family's reaction when she first went Dark? She just assumed this would be similar. So she came here, to hide from Sarafine and to get away from her family and to forget Link and to just generally run from all of her problems. Because that's healthy, right?

She started off as kind of a villain-ish character, because she really had no reason to fight her Dark instincts at the time. Not that she got up to much - she, um, got Garchomp mindraped once? But that's about it. But then eventually she became friends with Clara, and then later Kyubey (now complete with emotions, WOO!) and while she still didn't...care too much about anyone else, it was a start, at least. And then Macon showed up and blew her cover, but no one really held it against her, which was kind of encouraging? She still worries about hurting people, though, because holy shit if Sarafine couldn't fight going Dark forever then how can she? But the Ninth Doctor helped her realize that maybe it's possible, at least for awhile, which led to her joining Team TARDIS 2.0. And while Rid's not the best companion ever - she's still relatively indifferent towards strangers in emotional distress, for one thing - she's doing the whole hero thing for a couple of reasons. One, she feels like if she ever wants to go home, back to her family, she needs to prove to both them and to herself that she can be a good person. What better way to do that than, you know, saving the world all the time? And for another thing, Ridley has always...kinda needed something or someone to cling to in order to humanize her. It was Lena and Link, mostly, who helped her to do that before. Being around Clara and Kyubey (and even the Doctor, to a certain extent) helps her in a similar way, even if she doesn't know them as well. She needs them to keep her from going completely Dark right now. Because the alternative, being alone, is...far from healthy for her.

[Sherlock Holmes]

SHERLOCK HOLMES

Oh, Sherlock. You're... actually very hard to develop without certain characters involved. I'd love to see a John Watson on here, since that would really help in developing Sherlock. But, as for what's happened, Sherlock has become a lot more accepting of the paranormal. He's not going to deny the blatant evidence that certain supernatural creatures and abilities exist, but what he isn't going to do is immediately jump to the conclusion that supernatural forces were involved in everything. Though, he has found himself in a rather tight spot with Moriarty and a zombie. Unsurprisingly, very little elements of Sherlock's personality have changed. Prevalent among his many negative traits is a certain stubbornness. He doesn't exactly see any reason to change anything, so he isn't. Why should he?

He's also changed up his methods, just a little bit. Because of possible paranormal involvement in any case, he's become more reliant on certain occult books or whatever he kind find to study up on these things. Of course, he isn't immersing himself in them and choosing to accept everything as paranormal - he simply wants to be prepared in case he has to face something paranormal.

DEAN WINCHESTER

Dean hasn't really... had a lot of development. I've had him for a while and I really do want to develop him since he's such a great character, but my muse for him has been on and off for a while. That's probably changing, since I'm in the process of re-watching Supernatural... stoppingatseasonfiveofcourse. Most important in what little development Dean has had is that he lost his brother, Sam, for a while. Sam is really the most important thing ever to Dean and he sort of... didn't really want to do anything without Sam around. He kept hunting, sure, but he was much more reluctant in doing things and altogether less enthusiastic than he usually is. Now that Sam is back, he's getting back into his old self and moving on again.

MR. GOLD

Mr. Gold might be the character I've most developed here on AM. With both Belle, his true love, and Bae, the son he's been looking for his entire three hundred year life, back with him, he's very different from the giggling, manic Rumpelstiltskin he was in the Enchanted Forest. He really does want to use magic. He might deny it, but he knows that without magic he's totally powerless and weak. But he also is terrified of driving Belle and Bae away with his use of magic - moreso than he's afraid of being weak again. So, he's opted to only use magic when totally necessary. As for his relationships with others, well... He's really not trying to make them. He's actually, for the most part, avoiding everyone else in Storybrooke.

LOKI LAUFEYSON

On the board, Loki has been doing.... conquering the world stuff. Which doesn't make for a lot of development, but it's the only thing he'd really be doing. In the ICC, however, he's become allies with Mithos, who he ~secretly~ relates to. However, he's hiding it by saying that he's only helping him because Hazama is a foe of his who he wants stopped. Really, Loki's major developments will probably come after Kazuma has been killed and he's left with a despondent Mithos. So, not much yet! Hopefully he'll be able to get some of that development on the board.

LUCIFER

Um. Not much here, really? I'm not particularly interested in developing Lucifer, since it'd be incredibly hard to do. Almost impossible, actually. Lucifer doesn't listen to anyone, nor does he even think twice before snapping the neck of someone who stands in his way. In short, it's gonna take a lot to develop Lucifer, but I'd be up to it if anyone has a good idea!

TONY STARK

Tony is really growing as a team player. As shown in the Avengers, he starts out not caring about anyone and being sort of detached from most of the team... except Bruce Banner, who he got along with. Eventually, he started getting along with anyone... and now he's working on his teamwork skills a lot. He's still arrogant and he's still self-centered, making it really difficult for him to work in a team - especially one like the Avengers, where everyone has different ideas and things that he probably doesn't want to go with... but he sort of has to, something he's never really experienced. Having to do things was never his forte and it still isn't. He's just going to have to learn to make it his forte.

THE TENTH DOCTOR

Ten hasn't really... grown much? It's hard to tell with someone like him. He's felt awful about what happened to Donna and he hasn't gotten past that at all. However, with the help of his new companion Oswin Oswald, he's starting to get back into the swing of things. Usually after losing a companion, the Doctor just doesn't really want to go on - especially after losing Rose. Losing a companion just brings back memories he really doesn't want to remember and it's so difficult getting past them, even for someone whose done so much and experience a great many terrible things. Oswin being there and taking the place of companion has definitely helped him get back into traveling around and saving the world again.

Hopefully, the rest of the ICC's Team TARDIS will show up sooner or later.

CORA MILLS

Um... Cora's development is really very different. Instead of visible developments or whatever, she never really lets on what she's thinking. Instead she's all "LOVE IS WEAKNESS :]" and ripping out the hearts of everyone she doesn't like. coar pls. But, what Cora really wants to do is force Regina into a position where she needs her help. Cora just wants to get back into that relationship, which wasn't exactly the best relationship, she and Regina had when they lived in the Enchanted Forest.


LOL WIP :]


CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS

PITCH BLACK

JACK FROST

KARKAT VANTAS

MORDRED

JOSHUA KIRYU

KILLIAN JONES

ERIDAN AMPORA

[Steve Rogers]

I have not had a chance to develop any of my characters as I would love to do, as most threads that they are in have dried up or people dropped characters. So, feel free to plot, as I would love to develop my characters more.

Terry McGinnis

Methos

Steve Rogers

Michelangelo

Harvey Dent

Sweet

The Kurgan

Abomination

James Rhodes

[Clara Oswin Oswald]

EPONINE THENARDIER

Okay, so. Eponine was my first character on here, and she came in at a time when the super-powered baddies highly out-numbered the generally good people on AM. So, basically, she was thrust into a highly confusing modern world, having come from 18th century France, where everything wanted to kill her and she had almost no help or anyway to defend herself from these people with magic and super-powered weapons that. And that definitely affected her, almost sending Eponine into complete paranoia. The only thing that really stopped her from doing so way Anya, who was generally regarded as her only friend in this new place. She lived on the streets for awhile, like she had for a long time in Paris, before moving in with Anya.

Two driving forces in Eponine's development towards not sinking in to paranoia and fear were Gant, who offered her a place in his mansion with almost no strings attached, and Marius, who eventually developed feelings for her. But, his love wasn't really a quick fix, as a lot of people would have thought. Because, even though Marius told Eponine he loved her, she then feared that she wasn't good enough for him and had only somehow convinced him to fall in love with her. It was a silly fear, and still sort of lingers at the back of her mind, but Eponine is really sort of...programmed to think that any good thing in her life is either a lie or not going to last very long. She's still working on learning how to be happy, since for the last ten years, her life has been pretty miserable.

More recently, Eponine has been trying to be a little more confident in herself and in the things in her life that are good. Both Regina and Morgana have sort of shoved it in her head that things aren't going to immediately change, and as a result, she's starting to heal. It's going to be a slow process, but now that she actually has a few friends and people who want to help her, there's a good chance Eponine will be much happier in the future.

CHRISTINE DAAE

ahaha do i even use christine anymore. Um. She hasn't really changed a lot, apart from developing feelings for Erik. And also making friends with Belle and Red, I guess? Okay, truth be told, it's been almost a year since Christine has done anything, so I can't really remember anything about her. NEXT.

BAELFIRE

Oh god. This kid. Has so. Many. Issues. Mostly stemming from his relationship with Gold. Up until this point, Bae's been pretty convinced that MAGIC IS EVIL and that it corrupts people like it corrupted his father. He would get along great with Uther. Aaand, there hasn't been much proof against that either, even though there are some good magic users here. SO, he might change his mind upon seeing them at work? But, yeah. He's been trying to keep Gold from using magic, even going so far as to have him promise not too, because he's scared of him getting corrupted again. And, truth be told, Bae doesn't really trust his dad much? He did break a pretty important promise and sort of left him stranded in the real world without anywhere to go.

So yeah. Lots of trust issues there. But, at the end of the day, Gold is still his dad and Bae loves him. There's a lot of healing to be done between the two of them, but it's entirely possible for it to happen. That being said, it's entirely possible that it'll swing in the other direction too, if Bae catches Gold using magic. Aand on top of that, he's met his mom again and learned what happened to her, as well as met Killian. He's not too sure what to think of Milah right now, but honestly? He acknowledges Belle as more of a mother to him than her.

Also, this kid seriously needs friends his own age and to actually be a kid again.

OSWIN OSWALD

When Oswin arrived on AM, she was really a lot more lost and scared and alone than she let on. All smiles and cheer in the ICC, when she retreated back to her hotel room, things sort of changed. In the first few days of being on AM and before she traveled with Ten, Oswin was at the height of her mortality crisis. She was supposed to be dead, why wasn't she? Add that to being stuck, and Oswin was just generally not a happy person. At all. But, that all changed when Ten showed up and offered to take her along. Just coming off being in the Asylum and having Eleven just totally treat her with barely-veiled hatred because she was a Dalek, to have acceptance from his Tenth self, particularly after she told him about her past was probably the first step towards Oswin healing from her experience.

A lot of Oswin's development has stemmed from her realizing she isn't alone anymore. After spending a whole year locked up away from people, she sort of developed this mindset that she didn't need any help from anyone. Regina's the one who sort of convinced her to accept help from people and to gradually let herself heal, rather than pretending to be fine all the time and just powering through everything bad that happens to her. And, while Oswin usually engages in the Time Lord code of "I'm fine" around people she doesn't know, with team TARDIS or her friends, she's generally learned to be a lot more open, to the point where she was able to tell Mithos what happened to her. He and Ten are the only ones who have ever heard it willingly straight from her.

There's still so much fear of rejection in her, after seeing the hatred in Eleven's eyes when he first saw her. Team TARDIS is her family now, and her fear of being abandoned by them because of something that was completely out of her control, while irrational, is ever-present. But, at the very least, she's accepted that she'll have to tell them at some point, especially Jack. The loyalty to them that's developed is really sort of amazing, since Oswin is one to usually hold people at arm's length for a little while. She's willing to die for any of them, both because they're her friends and because they're the Doctor's friends. And she doesn't want him to lose any of them for a long time.

DONNA NOBLE

ahaha Donna really hasn't been here long enough to get a lot of character development, BUT. Watch this space in the future.

CLARA OSWIN OSWALD

[Sarafine Duchannes]

/casually updates :]

(omfg since jemi never finished editing her post it looks like the most :] thing how all the other characters have essays and clara has nothing)

ANYWAY

SARAFINE DUCHANNES
Hahaha well. Sarafine started off basically exactly how she was in canon - manipulative, sadistic, emotionless - and pretty much only interested in using people for power and then disposing of them. Oh, and y'know, finding her daughter and forcing her to turn Dark :]. But I guess the extent of her manipulation was really kind of her downfall - she got Shio and Emil to trust her completely, which gave her both an 'oh hey i'm totally an innocent maternal figure' cover and an opportunity to use their power for her own means. But then she had John, who kept showing up and provoking bursts of emotion in her - negative emotion, sure (mostly anger) - but still something stronger than anything she'd felt in quite some time. And while that was happening, she let herself get a little too invested in these kids. I don't think she even realized it until it was too late.

The first time it really hit her was probably when Gamzee dragged Emil into what was essentially hell...aaand when the latter came back, he was pretty much broken. And somehow, what started out as her tentative attempt to comfort him ended with him clinging to her and sobbing and her just having no idea what to do. And it wasn't too long after that that Shio's core was sealed, and Hazama combined Emil and Ratatosk into Castagnier, and everything just fell apart - and she was left with all this fear, and worry, and pain, and things she hadn't experienced in so long that it was all kind of overwhelming.

And she hated it. She hated having to hurt again, and apart of her hated the people who'd caused it by endearing themselves to her. And then Eris - who Sarafine had made a pact with - used their bond to call her out on her emotions and her fear of them. Eris was really the first person who kind of told Sarafine 'you don't have to pretend around me', and that was one of the first times in a long time that she allowed herself to feel vulnerable, and yeah. Between all the other little things - her uncharacteristically strong irritation towards 2.0 (for saving her from a vampire :]), her parallels with Lauren, her anger towards Hazama - it became pretty clear that she was pretty damn stuck with the emotions she'd been experiencing.

The things that hit her the hardest all kind of happened very quickly. Emil lost it and nearly killed Cast, for one thing, and that terrified her because Emil had always been this kind, gentle person - and seeing him snap the way he did was like seeing herself go Dark all over again. Ohey and then, the same night, Abraham showed up and Sarafine's first immediate reaction to him being around Lena was just sheer panic - because what if he hurt her and there was nothing she could do and when had she started to care so much. But for once, she didn't push her emotions away or deny that they existed. She was so determined to prove to Lena that she did care that she broke her pact with Eris, whiiiich immediately resulted in Eris weakening because of the wilting of the World Tree. And all of this, even though it sort of resolved itself (for the present, at least) made Sarafine realize how terrified she was of losing the people closest to her. I mean, there may be only a handful of people she legitimately cares about, but all of them are essentially in danger at this point.

Shio has been rendered all but helpless - all this time has past, and there still doesn't seem to be a way to unlock her core. For the first time Sarafine's not seeing her as this potentially useful apocalyptic weapon, she's seeing her as this frightened, fragile six year old girl who's counting on her to help her - and she has no idea how to. Emil's life is hanging in the balance as long as the Tree is in danger. One moment he was on a murderous rampage (which was perhaps more terrifying than anything else), and the next he was near death and being threatened by Hazama, and there was a moment there where Sarafine was legitimately scared that Hazama was going to finish Emil off. Eris is like, the one person who knows exactly who and what Sarafine is and just totally accepts her anyway - severing the bond between them was literally physically painful, and the only way Sarafine could see to keep from losing her was to make another pact (one that would save both Eris and Emil if successful, for that matter). And Lena - Sarafine's already missed so much of her life, and it really only hit her recently, and in a lot of ways it feels like she's already lost her daughter even if they can mend their relationship a little - but that doesn't stop the idea of anything happening to her literally being the biggest fear Sarafine has right now.

It's just. For the first time, it feels like she has something to lose. A lot to lose, actually. And she hates it - she hates the pain, and fear, and vulnerability. And the emotions are near-overwhelming at times. Don't get me wrong - there's a very big part of her that's still Dark (after all, she can't change what she is), and I would no means consider her any sort of hero (she still despises most humans, and is generally apathetic towards everyone else). But the few people she cares about? Right now, they are the only things worth fighting for, as far as she's concerned. And yeah, she's pretty terrified of what Abraham's gonna do to her if he finds out, but.

i guess yolo-ing runs in the family :]




and that's the story of how sarafine duchannes, the worst mother ever, became an actual semi-legit maternal figure to four children (including her own). because if there's one thing that can overpower a horrible, incredibly powerful curse i guess it's fierce mama bear instincts y/y?

[Oswin Oswald]

:] :] :]

So it's time to update:

OSWIN OSWALD

Dear freaking Lord, where do i even start.

WELL. It's pretty clear from her current attitude in the ICC, Oswin is...extremely different from when she first arrived. Even before all the trauma she experienced, she had been becoming a little more subdued, a little more wary and a little more selective about who she helps out. Because hey, while companion tendencies might score points with people, you can only throw yourself in the face of danger against enemies who can really fuck you up so many times before learning that it generally doesn't work and you get really fucked up. And even though she resented some of her friends for being able to defend themselves better than she could, Oswin was still a little more willing to protect herself first, if only for their sake.

And then tRAUMATIZING SHIT went down and Oswin just...broke. For lack of a better term. But hey. How many times do you have to face getting Dalek'd, telling your not-fiancee that essentially her entire species was wiped out, having the not fiancee in question get stabbed and die right in front of you before regenerating into your best friend and then having that best friend get angry and nearly try to kill her and then having the Bleach tide turn on you and send a bunch of Hollows after you and your ghostbro and having to face your Shadow after that, and because there wasn't enough trauma, having said ghostbro move on to the afterlife and show up again the very next day, claiming she could never back and on top of that, you've just killed someone, something the Doctor would never ever forgive you for?

Needless to say, it was enough to drive Oswin to almost just off the roof of the ICC and end it. Luckily enough, the TARDIS wasn't about to let one of her Doctor's companions die like that and saved her, to allow Ten to take her back onboard. BUT EVEN THAT WASN'T THE END, oh no. A little while afterwards, Regina showed up and both she and Lia began to try and talk her into jumping again. Needless to say, it wasn't really them, just the Evil Queen and an illusion of Lia. Either way, it broke Oswin pretty bad, and it's still up in the air whether she's really going to properly heal from that.

Now, not only is she subdued and quiet, but she's scared. Not just scared, but scared of the one person she loved and trusted the most out of everyone on AM, Ten. She's been delivered a crushing blow when it comes to him, and even though he's forgiven her and even reassured her that he does need her, Oswin isn't too sure. Because she killed someone. She did the one thing that normally earns his hatred towards anything, and it's even worse considering what she used to be. In her mind, she's no better than the Daleks or the vampires that killed Lia and the fact that there's really no one she can talk to who will understand or sympathize and help her come to to terms is a big factor in her continuing to linger on it. lol this is what happens when you make friends with anti-villians, oswin

But, there is one little spot of light. A lot of Oswin's reluctance towards magic comes from the fact that so many of her friends can use it to defend themselves while she's generally useless. And then along comes Sly, offering her a chance to actually use technology to do something useful, getting information on Hazama and the other Big Bads, and that gave her spirits a good lifting. Because now she has a chance to actually get shit done with something that she's good at and can even excel in. So that bought her back from the edge a little bit. Hopefully, things will continue to go that way.

lol psych :]

(i swear i'll get to clara one of these days.)

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[Dave Strider]

Okay, I didn't intend to write one of these for any of my apped characters yet since so little has gone on. There's one of my ICC regulars, though, who really kinda needs it; my thoughts on this subject are all over the place and need to organise them to even finish pinning his mentality and motivations down. So without further ado, introducing:

XALZAN VANDREGAS

Xalzan... Holy shit, wat do. I should start with some necessary exposition to explain his origins.

Now, on the board Xalzan's original incarnation was taken from, Hell was ruled by an organisation of immensely powerful Arrancar known as the Demon Guard. All of the core members were rumoured to be Vasto Lordes of great strength. Ruling the Guard was the Capitan, and beneath him served the Seven Sins, his generals, each an embodiment of the cardinal sin they were entitled with. Xalzan was the Pride, and as such took immense confidence in his powers; but more importantly, confidence in the right of the Demon Guard to do their part to preserve the balance of souls by ruling Hell with an iron fist. He lived for his duty, believing the Sins to have transcended the common Darwinian struggles of lesser Hollows. They had a duty to attend to that was far bigger than any one of them. It often put him at odds with the Wrath and the Greed, who were just as violent and self-serving as could be expected.

You could almost call him an idealist. He tends to look down on lesser Arrancar for letting themselves be so consumed with the common battles for dominance. This was why, at first, he was so immediately drawn to the Espada; he saw the Guard's dynamics in them, and believed he could fit in amongst them as part of another band of like-minded Arrancar whose camaraderie ran against the grain. He's lived almost all his Hollow life just surviving Hell, and bitterly recalls his laments of watching even the other sufferers trapped with him constantly fight amongst themselves as if their perceived authority would lessen their agony. Frankly, he hates it; he considers it a totally pointless waste of life that Hollows exist only to fight for survival and feed.

Beneath this altriusm however, beneath the desire to unite the like-minded towards a common purpose above those petty struggles, there is still a Hollow of incredible power. Being responsible for the torture of Togabito in the depths of Hell has given him a capacity for incomprehensible cruelty and violence, even by Arrancar standards. The surest way to anger him is to affront his pride; he's lost count of the number of times he's had his idealism, which runs totally counter to Arrancar nature, mocked and belittled. Without exception, though, everyone who's made that mistake has suffered. An example headcanon stands out:

Once, a former Greed had plans to stage a coup. She desired the Capitan's power and authority for herself. He instructed Xalzan to investigate the rumours that were floating around, and the Pride quickly picked up the trail and figured out what was going on. When he confronted her, citing her ambition as an insult to their duty as Demon Guard, she spat in his face and declared that the Guard had only ever been a tool to gain her greater power, then set the underlings she'd recruited upon him.

Infuriated by the insult, he released his Resurreccion - and took immense pleasure in beating them all half-conscious, slicing off the Envy's lower legs and making her watch as he very slowly and methodically tore her minions limb from limb, all the while spitting back vitriol about how she had never been any match for him and how her selfishness and disregard for the bigger picture made her more pathetic than any of the sufferers they tortured. He messily ripped her limbs off, vaporised her torso with a Cero and presented her head to el Capitan as a prize.

As of tonight however, in spite of presenting this altruistic face to the Espada, Xalzan's help has been eschewed and he's been "evicted" from Hueco Mundo. Ulquiorra and Harribel cited mistrust of his quickness to throw his lot in with them; in light of Aizen's return and the relative disorganisation of the Espada, it was feared that he may be working for Aizen, or otherwise attempting to get close to Starrk by building his rapport with Lilynette. With a single conversation, they managed to shatter his preconceptions about the nature of the Espada. They are not the staunch comrades he thought they were, not transcendent of the Hollow's base instincts. He's come to see in them what he's seen and disdained in all other Hollows; they've proven to be little more than the usual petty survivalists on a group scale, caring only about themselves to the fearful exclusion of outsiders who they perceive to present any kind of potential danger. Considering that he initially thought much more highly of them than that... he's disappointed, to say the least, to have been proven right about Arrancar outside the Guard being self-centered. The only one who's redeemed themselves so far is Lilynette, because she obviously cares deeply for Starrk.

So it is that the Pride is as he's feared from the beginning he may yet again end up - alone. He's at the mercy of his instincts and the need to survive only for his own sake, and he despises it. Until an opportunity arises for him to properly prove himself to the Espada (and after the insult of their accusations, he's in no hurry to do that), he's left to simply wander and seek admittedly much-needed companionship elsewhere... Time will tell how difficult that proves to be.