Epic Rap Battles of Homestuck History Pt.2

[profnine]

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HOMESTUCK HISTORY
DAVE STRIDER AND ROSE LALONDE

VS

LORD ENGLISH AND [glow=green]JACK NOIR[/glow]

BEGIN!

Summoning a bot from a bro that I killed? What, is that the way for that hole to be filled? I fucked Derse, Prospit and your little friends' session. Do you think I'll have a problem with your pathetic raps' messin'?

I'll lyrically kill you like I killed all your friends. What will you do when every universe meets their ends?

United we are the heroes of light and time, here tonight to kick your rears simultaneously with the force of our collective rhyme. Whatever you have in store, I’ll see it coming.

My prose together with my brother’s rap will become a new hope blinding. Then he’s going to timewarp you back where you belong; oblivion. Feel the heat of our words jamming together hotter than Green Sun nuclear fission!



My boy Sawtooth, he got beats like this Knight got time. Imma throw the bandog a bone, 'cuz he ain't seen slams until he's seen mine.

Now the bots, they help Bro practice, keep the sick fires stoked. But me, I'll spin my own flow till I see that shitty ring broke!

MY TRUE NAME'S UNIMPORTANT, IT'S FRIVOLOUS, MEANINGLESS, A TRIFLE MORE IMPORTANT AND LONG LASTING AS YOUR SCREAMING IS---

IS, WAS, OR SHOULD I SAY "HAS"-BEEN STUCK INSIDE MY EAR DRUMS SINCE THE MOMENT I FIRST APPEARED TO YA'S. I'M A LORD. A MASTER. A DEITY. A GOD. ASK YOU DEAD FRIENDS, YOUR AUTHOR ABOUT ME. OH WAIT YOU CAN'T. THEY'RE GONE.

WHILE OTHER FOOLS RAMBLE AND RAVE ABOUT THE KILLING I'M THE MAN AND THE KING WHOSE ARRIVAL YOU'RE FULFILLING. SO STEP UP STRIDER AND CO. YOU'VE AMPLE REASON TO FEAR.

HOW CAN YOU OUT RHYME ME WHEN I'M ALREADY HERE?



Goddamn graveyard stuffer, you know my lyrics are tougher. Than the attempted rhymes of some orphan kids. I killed your guardians and I’ll kill your eldritch squids.

Prepare for some trials... Because no one can escape the Miles.

You say you’ll destroy this universe, and all the rest to boot? You’re just an agent with too much power Jack, and Lord English, you’re an old coot. Because we’ve got Skaia on our side. Where you destroy, we’ll just create. Our rhymes are spreading new life faster than yours can stagnate.

The fact you’re trying to stop us? It only goes to show… you already know the end is coming. The ones who’ll walk away the victors… are me and my sweet bro! So enjoy your seven minutes English. And Jack? Good luck with PM. Because messing with us tonight? You’ve written off your final session.



Bro escaped the miles, and he pulled it off twice. Lemme tell you there's no time to save your ass from gettin' iced. What's in a name, you say? My man, you're forsworn. Sit back and witness a kid victory this here Seer forewarned.

Ain't no match for true God Tiers - am I right, CALIBORN?!

CHECK YOUR STATUS. GOD TIERS? OH HOW RIOTOUS. WHAT SNARK. I SUPPOSE WITH YOUR GARB, AND YOUR SO CALLED SKILLS, YOU'D THINK YOURSELF PALITABLE: SO GO ON THEN KIDS. KILL.

PUT AN END TO THIS CHARADE. IF YOU'RE ABLE, LET'S PLAY THE GAME. I'LL JUST BE STACKING UP THE CORPSES OF THOSE WHO SHARE YOUR NAMES.

AS OF NOW, KILLING YOU HAS BECOME INANE, SO LET'S SEE. FOR ONCE. IF YOU CAN DO ME. BREAK OFF THE TREND, ALTER HISTORY. YOU'VE TRIED BEFORE. YOU'LL TRY AGAIN.

BUT I'M AFRAID ALL THIS WILL LEAD YOU TO IS A DOUBLE DEAD END.



I killed your brother, your mother and both of you too. You know that it’s true, that I’m better than you.

For if your brother escaped then why was he dead? The rifts are the only reason I don’t have his head. when you come to battle with your light and your time... Remember for a moment whose lives were mine.

So be it then, Lord English. We’ll beat you at your own game. Though once feared throughout creation… we’ll make a story of your name.

And Jack, though you did kill Bro… you couldn’t bring yourself to kill Jade. If you’re really such a devil, then why save yourself that single bloodstain?

Kick and scream, snarl and cry… neither of you has reason, or even why. You’re both destroyers without meaning never healing never even truly feeling.

And that’s something we have that you don’t. Dave, we should put them out of their misery… don’t you agree?



Take a long-ass whiff, mutt, she and I are still standing! We got irons in fires to set your ass to crash landing!

With a God Tier possee, we bring justice longstanding, when we step the fuck up with this shit-hot backhanding!

Beta players! REPRESENT!

YOU THINK YOU'VE WON, BUT MY TRIUMPH HAS ONLY BEGUN, MY POWER BURNING BRIGHTER THAN THE SHINING GREEN SUN.

BEAT ME? HILARIOUS. RIDICULOUS. I FIND YOUR FEEBLE WILLED ATTEMPTS LAUGHABLE: METICULOUS. I'LL DRAW THE FINAL CURTAIN. I'LL SHOOT THE SMOKING GUN.

HAVE YOU ENJOYED THE BATTLE? FOR THE END.

HAS ALREADY.

BEGUN!!!!!!!!!!!