Jemi Does the Writing Thing (occasionally)

[Lena Duchannes]

Thiiiis is a catch-all post for Jemi's occasional soirees into mostly AM-related fanfiction. Which will be few and far between but oh well.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

- That one fic where everything is really traumatic for Oswin, aka her life.
- My contribution to that one collaboration where EVERYONE DIES. Alternatively titled "Who Knew There Was a Consequence for Taking a Bullet for Someone?"
- American McGee's Oswin
- The one time Oswin was a magical girl and everything sucked for her as usual.
- And that's my Clara theory.
- ONGOING DAEMON AU FIC THING

[Lena Duchannes]

It had been going strangely..well. For Oswin, at least, there really wasn't any way a possible Dalek invasion could go well. She'd stood by the Doctor (the only one there besides Makya who really knew what was going on in her head), hand trembling, nails digging into her palms, heart pounding in her chest, but strong as they faced down the group of Daleks that had immediately detected their arrival.

Seeing everyone else's reactions almost hurt in a way. They were afraid, not in the same way Oswin was. She'd known that the Doctor hated and feared the Daleks, and it shouldn't have come as such an awful surprise that they did too. They'd seen these things kill people in cold blood, and the instinct to bury her past away from them rose in Oswin, stronger than ever before. Only Makya, who'd only heard of Daleks through Oswin's account, growled and hissed behind her not due to a previous hatred, but because they would undoubtedly threaten her friend.

Strength, however, faded right away when Oswin was seperated from the rest. Running down a corridor with the Daleks right behind her, it took all of her concentration to actually remember where she was going and not just sprint blindly down the nearest hallway to find a way to escape. There was, after all, no way to get off but the TARDIS, given the fact that they were on a Dalek ship. Which made it easy to mistake the metal walls for the underground tunnels of their asylum. It was all Oswin could do to not be suddenly transported back to that day and concentrate on finding the Doctor and everyone else.

Concentration, however, meant that she wasn't really paying attention to what was ahead beside another hallway and before she could stop, Oswin collided with something up ahead that had run into her path. She stumbled, staggering back a step before a pair of hands grabbed her shoulders, turned her around to face a nearby hall and pushed her towards it.

"Go!"

Jack's was one of two voices that Oswin obeyed both automatically and without question, even with a note of alarm and urgency she'd never heard before. Taking off down the hallway right on his heels, she realized far too late that a door at the end of the hall was slowly closing. Behind them, the sound of another door opening echoed down the metallic corridor. The Daleks were catching up to them. Sprinting for the door, Oswin finally dropped, sliding through the gap that was still left open. Rolling over instantly, she reached for Jack's hand, but the door closed with a finite 'thud' just as she almost got to it.

"Oswin, open the door!"

There was that note in his voice again, one of urgency and...fear? Oswin had never heard Jack afraid of anything, and it disquieted her enough to snap herself back to reality and immediately look around. A keypad and computer inferface stuck out from the wall and she was on her feet in an instant, fingers flying over the keys as screens flashed rapidly by. "Hang on!" she called, voice shaking ever-so slightly as she neared the final screen that was allow the door to open. And suddenly, from beyond the door, another voice rang out, one that caused her fingers to freeze right where they were, seconds away from typing in the very last bit of coding.

"EXTERMINATE."

Oswin's eyes widened as something in her chest contracted. Jack's yells for her to open the door faded to near nothing, distant calls that she could barely hear, never mind understand.

"EXTERMINATE."

"Oswin!"

In her mind's eye, that word become another, one that still echoed in the back of her mind in the middle of the night when she would wake up screaming in her bed.

"CONVERT."

"Oswin!" Jack's voice was sharper this time, but dulled by Oswin's heartbeat pounding in her ears.

"CONVERT."

"CONVERT."

Surrounded by a circle of Daleks, cornered against the wall with tears streaming down her face, yelling for them to tell her where she was, why this was happened, that she was not one of them, she wouldn't be converted, she was human...

"EXTERMINATE."

"Oswin!" Gunshots rang out from behind the door. Jack had gotten out his pistol, firing uselessly at the Daleks' eyestalks.

"CONVERT."

No, no, no! Why? What had she done, to deserve this? All she'd wanted to do was leave, get out, see everything, was that really so terrible...?

More gunshots from behind the door. The Daleks were closing in and Jack was running out of ammo.

"Oswin!!"

"EXTERMINATE."

And now it really is that word, for the sound of one of their beams follows right after it, enough to snap Oswin right back to reality.

Beyond the door, it was silent. Target destroyed, the Daleks retreated down the hall for the rest. Oswin's fingers, running on automatic, finished the coding and the door slid open.

The rest of their little team found her just a few minutes later, cradling the unconscious Jack's head in her arms, quivering and murmuring apologies that didn't cease until Rose had finally seperated them and began to lead Oswin back to the TARDIS.

[donna]

It had hurt.

Well. Bullet through the chest, that was bound to hurt, but it still surprised Oswin when she'd thoughtlessly leaped in front of the bullet meant for the Doctor. There were two, actually, meant to kill him during his regeneration cycle and instead wound up buried in her chest and stomach.

But, she would be alright. Even after so many sacrifices like this, Oswin always came out alright. Someone around always had healing magic or something to help her continue on to adventure and travel another day. The room that everyone gathered in nearly every day was silent, had been silent for a long time since nearly every voice that Oswin found familiar had cried out as one. She couldn't see any of them now, only the Doctor as he cradled her in his arms. Why wasn't anyone rushing forward with their magic or healing or something that could stop her from bleeding out? How long had they all been stunned? If they waited much longer, she'd just...

Oh.

"Doctor..." Oswin found the strength to fight against the pain and raise her head, though her voice was hardly at it's stronger. "Doctor, you've...you've got to..."

With her head raised, she could see the others standing nearby, huddled together as they watched. Her Doctor with his old, old eyes hard and tear-filled all at the same time, his hand clasped tightly in Amy's, Rose with her face buried in Jack's shoulder, Donna with her hand over her mouth...Makya and Em were missing. Oswin was grateful for the latter, but why, why wasn't Makya there? She'd tell them to do something, she'd save her. Oswin looked back up at the Doctor holding her, the one who'd saved her the first time, who'd been the one to show her the universe and who was now looking down with eyes just as old as the other one's. All that age and regret centered on her now...

"I don't...please..." Tears sprung to her own eyes and she clasped at his coat. "You can't just...Doctor." He had to save her, he'd always saved her. And she saved him just the same, so what was so different about this time? No one died in this place, not permanently. Regina. Where was Regina? She had healing magic, she'd come and...and...do something. Anything. She'd be alright. "Help me." she all but whimpered, for once not really caring about keeping up that outward appearance of strength.

Silence again. Tenderly, the Doctor reached down, brushing bloodied hair out of her face before brushing his knuckles down the side of her face. "I can't. Oswin, I'm...so, so sorry. But, I can't."

Something contracted in Oswin's chest, and she wanted to hit him, to make him help her like he'd helped her before. He was the Doctor and these were just bullet wounds. People survived them all the time, why couldn't she? Oswin's head dropped onto his shoulder as her strength began to fade and she found it harder and harder to be angry. Not with him, not in what was going to be her final moments.

She'd already accepted death for his sake before, she could do it again.

Her eyes opened and though her vision was fading and blurring, Oswin managed to focus on the people before her. The people she'd so eagerly adopted as family. There wasn't enough time to say goodbye to them all, not in the way she wanted. Her goodbyes were meant to go with gestures that couldn't be said, an arm around Rose's shoulders, a caress of Jack's face, embraces and touches that couldn't be given by a dying person. But, to her comfort, there was one that could be given. The most important one of all, even.

Taking hold of the fabric of the Doctor's coat, Oswin used his shoulder to pull herself up, gritting her teeth against the cry of pain that threatened to break free. She had moments only, and with the last of her strength brought her lips close to his ear, whispering the final words that had been reserved only for their moment of parting.

"Thank you."

[Lena Duchannes]

Nothing had gone black but the screen before. Minutes tick by as Oswin stares blankly at the interface before her, waiting for her vision to suddenly cut out. Like shutting off the lights, she would have thought it was like, but no. Only the screen is dark, everything else, her pod, the world she'd created for herself all in her head, is still there. It still feels real.

Something clatters and Oswin immediately turns, rising from her chair. The boards that had once been so securely fastened on the door have fallen away. No point in having them anymore, the conversion's not working away at her head anymore. But, it's still there, she can feel it. Daleks in her head crying out to complete the conversion and truly make her one of them. And as long as they're still there, she still has to fight for her very humanity.

That's what the cat tells her. When Oswin was a child, she'd read a story about a girl in a dream world, guided by an appearing and disappearing cat. He tells her that's why he looks the way he does, because this story had just happened to be her favorite and really the only one that could make her keep still for any extended period of time. The memory resonates, he says, keeps her human in a place that wants to suck every bit of humanity out. Still, she doesn't quite remember the cat in the story with a ragged and dishelved bowtie 'round it's neck, and she'd never expected it to speak in that familiar voice.

But she has a guide. Entirely useful in the maze of tunnels she finds beyond the door of her pod. He rides on her shoulders without a care as she traverses the labrynth of her mind, creeping past the dormant monsters in her head. Never once does Oswin ask for a name, for she already knows the response she'll get if she does. And it's just a little odd to think about, someone she really only knew for a few hours acting as a guide through this subconscious world. But she trusted him to know where to go, to lead her to a place where maybe, just maybe she can be human again. Properly and truly human.

And maybe then she'll get to see her stars.

But to fight the Daleks now meant combat and combat meant a weapon. The shining, silver polearm she finds leaning against a wall does the trick, glittering out of the dank and the dark as thought it had been waiting for her. And maybe it had. Oswin discovers she can wield it with ease, as though it were an extension of her arm. Natural. There from the start. And something she can really battle the Daleks with. It fires a beam of light when she wills it to, blows them apart with ease. The cat vanishes whenever they're around, only to appear once her battle is won and leap back to her shoulders as though nothing had come to pass.

And so, Oswin Oswald battles her way though her own mind, all of it fighting against her the whole way. It's nothing but tunnels and rooms, on and on and on. She's not even sure how much time has passed, she never truly tires and there aren't any windows or doors. Only the cat's encouragement keeps her going, and the promise that she might be able to free herself from this prison. It's been so long since she's truly been free. Maybe she isn't really dead after all. Or maybe she is and this is some sort of test that'll get her point with whatever's in charge. Either way, she's not giving up. The Daleks are strong, but she is stronger.

When she reaches the very heart of the maze, the cat materializes by her feet. He can't go with her now, she has to face this very last monster all on her own. Oswin kneels, setting the staff that is her weapon on the ground and straightening the tattered strip of cloth around his neck, and tells him she'll see him on the other side. Wherever the other side may be. As she stands again, the door slides open, and she strides in, all determination and strength. One last Dalek and then she's free. Hopefully.

She doesn't expect the twisted mass of flesh that awaits her, the single, red eye blinking in her direction as tentacles writhe about the walls. It's grown all inside her, in the very center of her mind, and this room's the only thing that's kept it at bay. And the walls are beginning to crumble.

The battle is long and hard. For nothing but a mountain of Dalek flesh, the creature in Oswin's mind is resiliant, twisting and swatting her aside with it's massive tentacles. Finally, finally, the blade of her polearm slashes right though the creature's thin skin, tearing it open. Light poured from the laceration, engulfing the room as it split wider and wider until she's blinded, throwing up her arms to shield her eyes.

And then, for just a brief moment in time, she is nothing.

When she awakens in the med-bay of the TARDIS with the Doctor standing over her, there's a knowing glint in his old, old eyes and Oswin knows she's succeeded.

[Oswin Oswald]

When the Doctor learns that the Incubator hivemind has been inhabiting the world that they've all come to, Oswin is, as usual, right by his side. From what she gleans from the conversation, these things are a lot more dangerous than they look, and all it really takes are a few words from the Doctor once the little white creature's left to make Oswin steer clear of them for a good, long while.

They go to that little room nearly every day, or whenever they can afford it. The TARDIS likes it there, the Doctor says. Lots of rift energy for her to recharge. Oswin doesn't mind. Sometimes, she even likes it there, with the friends she's come to make visiting there. It's nice to see them there, even if what they go through is at times taxing and nearly unbearable. She has them and they have her and there's nothing that can keep them down for too long.

But there are some days when Oswin hates it. When there's fighting and bloodshed and chaos and nothing she can do to stop it. She wants to so badly, to protect her friends and make them not hurt so much whenever the daily threat rears its ugly head. But, there's nothing she can do. Oswin doesn't have magic or prowess in battle or any ability that would even begin to help her against the otherworldly monsters that lurk in the shadows.

And she hates it. She hates having to hide in the TARDIS whenever danger strikes, leaving her more powerful friends to the mercy of whatever's attacking. Run along, Oswin, she can almost hear them thinking sometimes. Hide in the TARDIS like a good little normal human. There's nothing you can do to help, so allow us to risk our lives protecting you.

She's useless. Just like she was in during that one impossibly long and lonely year she spent imprisoned in her escape pod. All she could do while the Doctor and Amy and Rory faced the Daleks was guide them along as best she could. Traveling with her Doctor is a respite from being useless, Oswin's hacking skills have saved his life almost as much as he's saved hers, but against the gods and monsters in human form that threaten her friends and even her family at times, she can do nothing.

One day, Kyubey offers her an alternative.

There is a way for Oswin to always protect her friends, and even protect the entire world from creatures like the ones that they face in that room. She falters. The Doctor's told her about what these things really do, the exact details of their contracts. But surely, with the strength of her devotion to him and all her friends, Oswin would never ever be alone enough to fall into the despair that is the end of all magical girls. She could fight alongside Regina and Mithos and maybe, maybe even be strong enough to help put an end to their enemies.

She wishes to protect her friends.

And for a long time, Oswin can keep it a secret. She sneaks out of the TARDIS at night to hunt the witches plaguing the planets they land on, hiding the ring with the bright red stone from the Doctor's sight. He just thinks she's picked up a little trinket and ignores the fact that it never ever leaves her person. But when he's in danger, cornered by hostile aliens on a distant planet, Oswin has no choice. And once their attackers are gone, she turns, deeming herself ready to face his reaction.

She isn't ready.

The look the Doctor gives her is so, so much like the one in the other Doctor's eyes when he saw what she had become. In a way, this isn't so very different. Without saying a word, he grabs her by the arm, dragging her roughly back to the TARDIS. As much as Oswin tries to explain, tries to tell him this is good, that she can protect him now, him and everyone else on the TARDIS, he won't listen to her. They materialize in the room again, and after a long period of silence as Oswin's attempts fade to nothing, she turns and steps out. A bit of being apart will do them both good, let their heads clear.

What she doesn't expect is the sound of the TARDIS dematerializing behind her. A cry catches in her throat, but before she can stop it, the blue box she called her home for so long is gone, perhaps never to come back.

Oswin tries not to fall. She tries so, so hard. Regina gives her a place to stay in Storybrooke again, but there's something different now. Something strained every time Oswin speaks to her. But, because she has nowhere else to go, Oswin stays, fighting off the witches that manifest in the town of Storybrooke, falling closer and closer every day.

In the end, Oswin is alone. Each friend she reaches out to turns her away, chides her for her stupid mistake. The people she sought so hard to protect are now horrified of what she's become, and the Doctor...he can't even have her on the TARDIS anymore. Her family, the people she traveled with for so long, the people she loved, abandon her without a second thought. And as much as Regina tries, she can't replace them. She can't stop Oswin in her falling, falling, falling...

One day, in the heart of Storybrooke, a witch is born.

[Clara Oswin Oswald]

The power surging through her feels like nothing Clara has ever felt before. Even in the brief moments when the Unown had resurrected her for the first time, she'd been nearly unconscious, slowly slipping away from life and they'd merely changed reality in order to save her. Clara's died so many times now, it barely feels like anything anymore, almost like closing her eyes and falling asleep.

But not this. The power of the Unown shifting from an Elder God to the body of an almost perfectly normal human is nothing short of intense. Something sings in Clara's veins as she stands, eyes wide and staring as the Unown orbit around her, chirping rapidly in confusion.

The rest of the residents of the TARDIS stand nearby, the Doctor hanging onto his little device for dear life, lest his companion lose herself to the power. Perhaps she already has.

Wind from an unseen source whips Clara's hair from it's half-bun to swirl around her face as light shines forth from the Unown themselves, shimmering as the room is slowly dragged back into reality. In her very best coaxing voice, the one previously reserved for convincing Francesca and Digby to begin getting ready for bed at night, Clara mentally wills the Unown to sleep, to return from the place whence they came.

And in return, they will her as well.

Wish.

One last wish before they sleep. One more time to prove their purpose and they'll leave until they're truly needed.

Clara doesn't refuse.

As she turns to her team, the people she'd be lost without, her gaze lands on the Doctor. In her stead, for just an instant, he sees Rose, wielding the power of the TARDIS' heart and soul. They stare and stare and stare and suddenly Clara is hit withan understanding. She wants anything, anything at all to help him when he really needs it, when his world becomes far too dark to bear alone.

And, like Rose before her, Clara's hand rises, the Unown moving in perfect sync. Their song reverberates around the room, the shimmering light becoming stronger and stronger. But instead of scattering words, Clara scatters herself, without truly knowing it. In Oswin, in the other girl who shares her name and her face, for the Doctor to find when he truly needs them, when she is dead and gone or just unreachable.

But there are words too. He'll need to know her, in some other far-off universe where none of this has ever occurred. Where she really was dead and gone after falling from her cloud. But she wouldn't be dead, not really. There would be a way, some way for her to live on, even as different people.

So yes, there are words. Words to speak his curiosity in the universe again, words that would reignite the hope that Clara herself had given to his Ninth incarnation.

Run, you clever boy, and remember.

[Oswin Oswald]

Ossiandre settled the first time Oswin saw the stars.

Or, well. Properly saw them, it was hard to do that when you lived in the city all your life, as she had. She was fourteen when her parents dragged her out to go camping, of all things, something none of the technologically inclined Oswalds were all that keen to do. But, Eliana had suggested it as something to bring them all a little closer, and her husband had reluctantly agreed.

Oswin had no idea why they couldn’t bond in a nice hotel room with wi-fi and proper living quarters that wasn’t a tent that her parents were still struggling to get up, after hours of trying to decipher the illegible instructions, but apparently there was some reason behind it.

Hopefully.

After growing insatiably bored with hearing her parents squabble over whether or not that flap opened there or where that pole went, Oswin had wandered off by herself, Ossiandre curled up in the hood of her jacket as an ermine. Any other child would have known that wandering off in the woods while night was falling wasn't really the best of ideas, but to be perfect honest, Oswin would have welcomed an adventure. Besides, she wasn't that far away.

They emerged from the forest (natural things were a lot smaller around where they were, and in this day and age in general, not that Oswin minded much) and onto a small hill, just as the sun was setting beyond the skyline of the city, which sat just on the horizon, miles and miles away. In a rare moment of quiet thoughtfulness, she watched as the light faded away and the sky grew dark, lowering her hood and turning her gaze upwards. Slowly, tiny pinpricks of light began to appear in the sky, things that Oswin had never really paid attention to at home, other than to briefly fantasize about seeing what else lay out there.

But now it was more than just a few pinpricks, it was thousands and thousands of them, all sparkling in a tantalizing dance overhead. Oswin exhaled softly, watching in amazement as not only stars but planets and whole galaxies appeared, reflected in the pond below the hill. Something stirred in her chest, and Ossiandre suddenly leapt down, taking the form of some kind of dog, small and wiry and white spotted brown. She glanced down at him, but only for a moment. Not even this could draw her attention away from this new night sky.

“D’you think we could see them up close, Os?” she finally asked, pulling her jacket a little closer against the evening chill, but unwilling to move an inch from where she stood.

Her daemon tossed his head, as if offended at the very notion that they couldn’t do something. “Of course,” Ossiandre answered, sitting neatly down at her feet in the grass. His gaze too turned skywards as both he and his human fell into a comfortable silence.

Oswin shoved her hands into her jacket pockets, sparing Ossiandre another glance, but this time with a smile. “So, a dog, then?’

He flicked an ear, his tail wagging furiously. “Like it?”

“Love it.”

--

And they did get to see their chance to see them up close.

Nina and Rasmus were there to see them off when her dad couldn’t make it, and really, Oswin wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Enfolded in one last embrace in front of the Alaska’s boarding ramp, Oswin whispered her promise to return while Ossiandre nuzzled into Rasmus’ ruff. The fox daemon whined softly as the tears started flowing, but it was, of course, Nina to be the sensible one and cease her crying before things got out of her control.

With one last kiss, Oswin broke away, her daemon padding reluctantly over to her heels. “Be back before you know it.” She managed a smirk. “Just don’t miss me too much, yeah?”

--

She was running and running and running, even though there weren't many places she could go to escape, not now. Every muscle in her body cried out in protest as she forced them on just a little longer, her breath coming in short, sharp pants that made her chest ache. Beside her, Ossiandre urges her onward, already sprinting as far as his legs could carry him. Her lungs burn for air, but Oswin can't stop now, even if there's nowhere to go. She won't let them have her, not as long as she can try to get away.

But, she was only human and could only go for so long. Her legs suddenly gave out under her, and she screamed, the sound reverberating off the walls of the tunnel. The hot tears on her face felt like brands of fire but there was nothing she could do now. She couldn’t force herself to run any longer, even with Ossiandre tugging at her coat and they’d finally caught up. Finally got her. They quickly surrounded her, looming over her fallen form as her terrier daemon bared his teeth, bristling and snarling as though he actually was big and frightening enough to scare away the Daleks chasing them.

And then every atom of her being was on fire. Torn apart and rewritten and all the while she was screaming and sobbing even though there was no one around to hear. No one to help.

The hate and the rage being poured into her was even worse than the pain and Oswin had to fight so, so hard to keep from being overwhelmed. Part of her wanted to be, to give in to it. It’d be easier, that small part of her coaxed. So much easier to just hate and hate and hate instead of continuing to fight.

In the end, it's Ossiandre that keeps her from giving in. Because even the pain and the hate are nothing compared to the feeling of being ripped away from her daemon. Throwing back her head as much as the apparatus she was hooked up to would allow, Oswin let out a scream that melded with Ossiandre's anguished howl as the feeling of something reaching into her chest and pulling at something raw and vulnerable in the center of her ribcage.

She screamed until she had no mouth anymore before her world went mercifully black.

--

Oswin spent a year in her world of imagined souffles, always wondering why Ossiandre stayed out of sight instead of letting her see him. It still felt like he was there, though, and strangely enough, something always distracted her the moment she started thinking too hard about him.

--