tipsyGnostalgic's Alcoholics' Anonymous Meet |Open

[Roxy Lalonde]

Hooray! Roxy was finally God Tier; she should be celebrating, right? After all, she and her friends have been through way too much shit not to deserve a little party. In fact, she'd originally been setting up a party to celebrate Jane Crocker's birthday; but that plan went to hell. And now it looks like there won't be any congratulations for them attaining God Tier, either. After all, Derse and Prospit's moons have blown up, Dirk Strider's been zapped to god-knows-where, and now a grey dog-girl glowing green is taking her prisoner for the Batterwitch. Things were looking incredibly grim for Roxy and her pals. As she was pulled along by the big bad wolf, she noticed a duo coming into view. Hoping that Jake English and Jane were coming to help her whoop some Batterwitch ass, the girl's hopes were dashed. It was true that, coming quickly upon them, were Jane and Jake, but not as she had hoped. Janey had, apparently, defected to the Dark Side and had captured Jake. Things just kept getting better and better.

Scrunching up her eyes, Roxy prepared for the absolute worst. She waited with bated breath. And waited... and waited. Come to think of it, she could no longer feel the dog-girl's grip on her arm. Blinking into the sudden sun, Roxy Lalonde found herself standing directly beneath Big Ben, apparently now in the middle of London, England! Okay, this was getting weird...

-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] --

TG: jake
TG: jakey?
TG: jake where are you i am srsly beyond freaking rn
TG: everythings gone 2 shit and janey totally went darth vader on us
TG: and now im in london
TG: ...
TG: ugh msg me as soon as you get these ok?

Stowing her device away, Roxy started down a simple street in ordinary Lord English London, England. Or so she hoped...

[Caliborn]

A green monster sat at is computer terminal, fuming as always. The darker corners of his newer, most illustrious manner and surroundings did little to conceal his anger, illuminated by the glow of a recent message, the source of at least a part of the viridian terror's eternally bad mood. It was a concise, relatively simple message, that proclaimed something quite plainly. It stated a simple fact: "tipsyGnostalgic is online". It took only a moment of daft comprehension for the creature at the computer to slam on his "chum's" name in response.

-- undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --

uu: BITCH.
uu: ATTENTION DAFT BITCH.
uu: I KNOW YOU CAN SEE THESE. THROUGH YOUR ALL CONSUMING DRUNKEN STUPOR.
uu: BITCH.
uu: BITCH.
uu: I HAVE. A SIMPLE QUESTION TO ASK YOU.
uu: WHAT THE FUCK. ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE.


undyingUmbrage typed furiously and quickly into his computer screen. Somehow through some entirely arbitrary turn of events, this soporific little shit managed to crawl her way into his newest playground. This was unacceptable. But on second thought, abjectly hilarious and filled with opportunity. He suppressed a smile. Worst to worst, this revelation would make his day that much more interesting. And who knows? Maybe someone interesting might get vomitted out along with her. Maybe the Dirk human or the English Page human. One of her infinitely superior male counterparts. Hell, even the fat cow of a female cohort would have been preferable to this tipsy piss ant. But maybe he could have a bit of fun with her. She was, after all, Calliope's 'best friend' if he recalled correctly in memories he only halfway cared about.

Haa haa. Hee hee. Hoo hoo.

If only she'd fucking respond before he died of old age...

[Roxy Lalonde]

Meandering down a street and keeping a wary eye on her surroundings, Roxy had to admit it, at least to herself. She was getting bored. Sure, your friends turning evil and handing you over to the villains is dangerous and all sorts of not-okay, but at least it was something. Now, the girl has absolutely nothing to do except try and keep worry at bay. She didn't know if Jake was alright, she had no idea where Dirk had been zapped off to, and she was really worried about Jane and Jade. There had to be a way to get them to go good again; maybe shecould find a way...

With a faint sigh, whether from exhaustion or relief she couldn't tell, Roxy's iPhone began buzzing. Pulling over quickly so she didn't get run over and to prevent any eavesdroppers, she dug into her God Tier pajamas for her phone. "im comin, im comin!" As she pulled out the device, her heart sank as a bright green "uu" lit up on her phone's screen. Suppressing another sigh and a twinge of annoyance, Roxy began typing:

TG: ugh what do you want
TG: for your info im no longer on the alluring saucey brew of the drunkn gods
TG: in fact ive been firmly planted on my sturdy rocks for a while now
TG: what do you mean here?
TG: if you mean london i dont even wanna kno how you got here 2 actually im p sure knoing would prob just make me want 2 leave asap
TG: as if i wasnt already planning that now that i kno youre here
TG: could you kindly tell me where you are so that i can keep as far away as humanly possible becuz i already have enuff shit going on

Roxy seriously was not in the mood to deal with this cretin. She wasn't in the mood to read his constantly-angry words and totally not in the mood to deal with whatever shit he was probably going to try and throw at her. Thanks to this douche, her bffsie, Calliope, was dead and so far he's taken every opportunity to rub it in her face. Caliborn was probably the only being in the known universe with the possibility of rivaling the Batterwitch for Roxy's hate.

[Caliborn]

uu: OH MY GOD. WHAT DID YOU EVEN TYPE.
uu: GIVE ME A SECOND. TO SORT THROUGH THIS BAFFLING VORTEX.
uu: OF UTTER STUPIDITY.

Caliborn's brow raised seemingly by itself as he puzzled as to how to decipher through this newest swath of incomprehensible bullshit. Oh my god. Now he remembered why he never even spoke to this invariably attention gobbling whore. She typed in the style of an armless, lobotomized human baby child. Processing through the enigmatic pile of bullshit vomited out to him from the fingertips of Roxy Lalonde, Caliborn finally felt he had a decent understanding of what the fuck she was even saying, and typed accordingly as he translated the bulk of it as he went.

uu: ALRIGHT. WHAT I WANT. IS EXACTLY. WHAT I HAVE DETAILED AND ASKED YOU FOR.
uu: WHICH IS TO SAY.
uu: WHAT THE FUCK. ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE.
uu: ALSO. HOLY SHIT. YOU DID???
uu: WAIT. YES. I DISTINCTLY RECALL SEEING THAT.
uu: ON MY TV SETS.
uu: YOU WERE NOT GOUGING YOURSELF ON LIQUOR VERY OFTEN.
uu: CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT.
uu: BUT YOU STILL TYPE. LIKE YOU BLEED SMIRNOFF???
uu: I DON'T GET IT.

Caliborn continued to scroll down. London. London? That was the city in "England", right? He had to look that up once. He thought the Jake Page human was from such a place, given his last name, which Caliborn thought had a certain ring to it. However, it actually had nothing to do with anything and was a general waste of time. Though he did discover that his "sister's" shitty accent was somehow from this region. As well as his own fainter, vastly superior one. But that was besides the point. What was she doing in England? Caliborn decided to ask.

uu: WHAT THE FUCK. ARE YOU DOING IN ENGLAND?

Yes. A masterful query, thought Caliborn to himself. Laughing to himself, he switched on his computer's viewport, and saw Roxy standing amid a stolid grey landscape. Wow. England looked completely miserable. Caliborn then quickly went back to typing to his apparently sober conversational partner.

uu: HA HA HA.
uu: DEAREST. "ROXY".
uu: HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY HOPE. TO OUT RUN ME.
uu: WHEN I AM ALREADY HERE.
uu: HA HA. HA.
uu: THAT IS A GREAT LINE.
uu: ROXY BITCH.
uu: I DEMAND YOU CONFIRM. THAT THAT LINE. IS INDEED FUCKING GOLD.

[Roxy Lalonde]

Was that a headache forming? Yes, Roxy assured herself, that is definitely a humungo migraine coming along so very not-nicely. With every word this brat typed, the Lalonde girl had to force herself not to massage her head; that kind of action would most certainly only encourage his deplorableness. Instead, Roxy resigned herself to her fate, waiting until she was positively sure that Caliborn was done with his mini-tirade.

TG: ok caliborn
TG: im gonna
TG: mellow on you with 5 little answers
TG: and you better listen and you better be ready for them
TG: are you ready? becuz if youre not im not gonna repeat myself later
TG: ok first of all that is an affirmative with a capitol A and thank you for reminding me that you can see everything i do
TG: im so glad ill have to constantly be watchin what i do for the rest of your existence

The sixteen-year-old girl quickly began walking, conscious of the fact that Caliborn could be watching her this very moment. She didn't care where her feet took her as long as she wasn't standing still. Staying still was dangerous.

TG: point #2 i cannot express my level of complete shocked ness that you are congratzing me on anything
TG: let alone an actual personal accomplishment of mine
TG: but allow me to show the level of idontcare and suspicion that it gives me
TG: 3rdly i talk like this becuz its fun and easier and faster for me to type and becuz i like do it
TG: as if i need to explain myself 2 you

Roxy turned a corner, noticing a small daytime pub. It was fairly packed and looked reasonably comfy, so she decided to check in. Rule # Whatever of avoiding the villain: try to keep to public places. Villains definitely are not big on the whole "revealing themselves" thing, especially terrible ones like the Batterwitch and Caliborn. At least, Roxy was betting that Caliborn had more to him than what he expressed through his conversations with her (though you wouldn't be able to tell it).

TG: case 4
TG: i got no freaking idea why im in england
TG: if youre so keen to kno why dont you figure it out yourself?

Staring at the words she'd typed on the screen, she noted the tone she had taken up. This kid really knew how to get on her bad side; something she takes pride in as no easy feat. She was momentarily distracted by a waitress asking for her order. Roxy asked for a decaf and then went right back to dealing with this little, green brat.

TG: and the grande di finale
TG: yea ill admit thats a p rad line
TG: a line so grandiose like as to rival shakespeare himself
TG: or somethin

She had to admit, though. That was a fantastic bit of storytelling foreshadowing, right there. And it sent chills running up and down her spine; not in the good way, either.

[Caliborn]

A flurry of responses. An onslaught of notifications. More weirdass drunken not-drunken purple text. Ugggh. So she was "sober". In of itself, it was a somewhat respectable show of willpower, that proved that this daft broad had at least some measure of worth as an intelligent being in that she had a capacity to brute force through things. Not much, but a fraction of some. Not that it really elevated her too highly in his eyes. She did after all fraternize with Calliope. He decided, despite Roxy's "five question limit", to continue on with the conversation.

uu: OH GOD NO.
uu: I HAVE LONG SINCE STOPPED. GIVING EVEN HALF OF A SHIT. ABOUT MOST OF THE THINGS. THAT YOU DO.
uu: IT IS REALLY MORE LIKE. SOME OF THE TIME. LIKE. WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING INTERESTING.
uu: I WILL WATCH YOU.
uu: ALSO. WHEN I THINK IT IS. REALLY REALLY FUNNY.
uu: DO NOT FLATTER YOURSELF. INTO THINKING. I HAVE TIME. FOR YOUR MEANDERING SHENANIGANS.
uu: BECAUSE. IN A SURPRISING TWIST.
uu: I DO NOT.
uu: WELL I DO. BUT. THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT.

A smile twisted itself to Caliborn's lips as he watched the ongoing situation on his Caltop. So Roxy darted into public to avoid him? Ha ha ha! The thought that she was so afraid of him even contacting her made him laugh out loud. It was almost complimenting, in a pathetically horrible sort of way. But where was she going? What was this place? A restaurant of some kind? The sign outside made vague references to a Blood Red Baron, but inside, he could see no one of this description. What the fuck?! Why did humans do that?! It made no sense. It was deceptive and infuriating. Like most human things. Except Caliborn was too smart for the illusion. Obviously. Yet again, a smile curled onto his green, fanged lips.

uu: YES. INDEED. THAT LINE. IS THE DOPE.
uu: CHERUB SHAKESPEARE. COULD NOT DO BETTER.
uu: HA HA. HA HA.
uu: BUT ROXY. IT OCCURS TO ME.
uu: IT HAS BEEN VERY LONG. SINCE I HAVE SPOKEN WITH ANY OF YOUR COMPATRIOTS.
uu: INDEED. I HAVE BEEN QUITE PREOCCUPIED. WITH MY OWN QUEST. OF WRECKING SHIT.
uu: HA HA HA HA.
uu: KILLING CALLIOPE GAVE ME THIS OPPORTUNITY YOU KNOW.
uu: I WAS TOLD A "SOLO" SESSION. WAS A CURSE.
uu: BUT THIS IS BETTER. THAN ANYTHING I COULD HAVE ASKED FOR. OR EXPECTED.
uu: ESPECIALLY FROM A GAME. PLAYED WITH MY SHITTY "SISTER".
uu: BUT I DIGRESS.
uu: THE POINT I AM MAKING IS.
uu: FOR HUMORING ME. AND SHOWING GOOD TASTE. AS WELL AS *SOMEWHAT* IMPRESSING ME. WITH YOUR SUDDEN BOUT OF WILLPOWER.
uu: I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE YOU A REWARD.
uu: IF YOU COULD EARN IT.
uu: IN SHORT. I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU.
uu: ROXY.
uu: WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY A GAME?

[Roxy Lalonde]

Feeling quite thoroughly one-hundred percent d o n e with dealing with this shithead, Roxy tossed her iPhone onto the tabletop and leaned back, closing her eyes and attempting to quiet the Oncoming Headache. When the waitress returned with her decaf, the girl forced a smile and cheery thanks; since Caliborn had made it so obvious that he was currently engaged in watching her, Roxy wasn't going to give him any time of satisfaction, as meaningless as a headache might seem. It's the principle of the thing.

With each message the Rogue of Void received from the green cherub, her phone vibrated annoyingly with a new notification. In an effort to ignore him and have to peace in which to drink her decaf, Roxy fantasized about the day she'd reunite with her friends, rescue Calliope, and knock Caliborn down a few pegs; even if it looked as if that destined day had temporarily been postponed thanks to the Batterwitch and her cohorts. However, she took care as not to appear too distracted and kept her senses wary and open. After getting a clear picture of what Her Imperial Condescension really looked like, Roxy wasn't taking any chances letting her guard down.

"Can I take that, hon?" The pink-spirited youth glanced up to find the waitress indicate her empty tea cup. With a nod of her head, she leaned back so the woman could clean her table. "There some sort of convention going on nearby?"

With a puzzled look, the waitress motioned to Roxy, herself. It was only then did Roxy realize that she had actually appeared here in England complete in her God Tier pajamas. "uh yea totes!" Thinking quickly on her feet, Roxy embodied Jakey in all his dorky-ness. "gotta say ive yet 2 find out why all heroes have 2 wear pjs to save the day." The two women shared a smile before the waitress moved away. Finally fed up with her phone's buzzing, the girl snatched the device up and read what Caliborn had sent her. A scowl planted itself firmly on her face before she set to work replying.

TG: lbr caliborn im gonna ignore all the rotten stuff you just said
TG: to ask you 1 simple question
TG: just 1
TG: and you can take it or leave it idc
TG: why
TG: i say why
TG: would i ever want to play
TG: any type of game you could ever offer?
TG: what grand freakin diose reward could ever be so tempting
TG: as to make me want to play a game w/ you?
TG: please
TG: just answer me that