goin 2 da carnival :] || caliborn

[Eridan Ampora]

It wasn't exactly normal for Eridan to be sent off to a carnival, of all places, to find something. Really, what was there to find? He was told that the Condesce had lost a bracelet - and it was being used as a particularly lofty prize for some carnival game. Of course, anyone else wouldn't have taken this task seriously... but Eridan, on the other hand, did. Yes, he held the commands of his Empress in very high regard, even the ones that seemed foolish - although, he was primarily working with Caliborn instead of working for the Condesce know, he still had the utmost respect for her. If only he could get Caliborn to simply release her one he became powerful enough to be Lord English's new harbinger. Eridan scowled as he watched three children shooting at each other with fake guns. Human kids were so dumb. If they were real FLARPers, they wouldn't be using toy guns.

But Eridan was over FLARPing now. It had been too long since he played it and he felt like he'd just matured past that onto something better. After all, he was working with two of the most powerful people in the universe. He could probably hold himself a little higher than he did before, all things considered. Eridan began roaming through the carnival, searching for his Empress's lost bling. He was surrounded by people playing stupid land dweller games and human children eating human child candy, followed closely by their human children parents. Earth was so weird. Suddenly, Eridan caught sight of a flash of gold among the endless, offensively colored horrid human plushies. Eridan gasped, not taking his eyes off of the glistening hope of freedom from this horrible carnival. All he had to do was knock over some fucking bottles and then he could go. Seemed easy enough.

"get the fuck out of my goddamn wway assholes" Eridan said as he shoved some human kids out of the way. All of them were too perplexed by his appearance to do anything in response. Eridan whipped out his wand and pointed at the bottles, preparing to throw a massive blast of almighty hope at the bottles... before he was stopped by the man running the game. "Whoa there! You have to use this gun." The man said, holding out an obviously fake toy gun. Eridan glared up at the man before staring loathfully at the wretched toy in his greasy hands. Well.... it seemed he had to do what he had to do. Eridan snatched the gun from his hands, took aim and fired at the bottles. All of them fell, clattering to the ground. His intensive FLARP training seemed to be finally paying off. "noww... ill havve that gold bracelet up there" He said, holding out a hand. The man chuckled and pointed to a sign underneath the bracelet's shelf - it read 'MUST KNOCK DOWN TWO STACKS'.

[Caliborn]

-- undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering caligulasAquarium [CA] --

uu: ERIDAN.
uu: WHAT THE FUCK. ARE YOU DOING.
uu: LEARN TO FUCKING AIM.
uu: ALSO WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU.
uu: WHATEVER. IT IS IRRELEVANT.
uu: THE POINT IS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING.
uu: AND WHY THE HELL. ARE YOU IN A HUMAN CARNIVAL.
uu: WITHOUT ME.


An ornery string of messages soon flooded Eridan's trollian account, at the hands of his oh-so familiar "boss", Caliborn. Glaring down at his computer screen in a bored fashion, shoveling mouthfuls of Stardust into his gaping, fanged jaw, the small green lord had spent his day in an mostly inactive fashion. Having really the entire reign of Scratch's illusive mansion was indeed something he enjoyed very much: to a point. But after a while, there came a point where Caliborn could not help but go completely catonic with boredom. Would it kill Scratch to stock his mansion with underlings?! Maybe small green underlings. Underlings he could defeat individually at Tablestickball. Yes. That would be perfect. However, such a thing could never actually happen in Scratch's mansion. It would be ridiculous. Besides, any small, generally irritating green gremlins that Caliborn knew off were currently indisposed, languishing around in the dimension where his heroic quest was still ongoing, doing his dirty work while Caliborn also did his own dirty work for himself. He remember Scratch once told him something like that had/will/could happen eventually, but like most things that he didn't care about, Caliborn barely listened in. It wasn't all that important anyway. Besides, he could just recall Eridan and force him to play tablestickball with him and lose utterly: having the Condesce's "second in command" as a secret insurgent broman was always neat like that, though he was insultingly high maintenance. Still, Caliborn saw Eridan's hilariously sensitive persona to be another challenge to be dominated completely and won forever by him in every way. Which it basically was at this point.

But as Caliborn shoveled his dust into his maw and turned on Eridan's viewport, he was disgusted at what he saw. And amused. And also angry. But also found it hilarious. Making a mental note to himself to pick one emotion and go with it, he fumed at his screen when he saw Eridan not only completely fail to understand the proper rules of the game he was playing, but also only knock down one row of bottles in an expert manner as opposed to all of them. He also didn't eat the person running the show either even though he was obviously irritated, which was another thing Caliborn felt Eridan needed to work on. But then again, maybe that was against the Carnival's "rules". So Eridan at least got the rules half right maybe? Who knows. The answer is, naturally, Caliborn. Caliborn knows. Or rather, knew that Eridan needed some prompt shaping up. So he typed and typed and typed. And after a quick pause to watch the scene unfold, Caliborn typed again.

uu: ALSO ERIDAN.
uu: YOU FAILED TO READ. THE *RULES*.
uu: WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY YOU FAILED. HORRIBLY.
uu: NOT TO MENTION. YOUR PRESUMABLY SHITTY AIM.
uu: WHICH ADMITTABLY. WHILE NOT AS SHITTY. AS SOMEONE ELSE'S SHITTY AIM.
uu: WAS STILL SHITTY. IN THAT YOU DIDN'T WIN WITH IT.
uu: SO NOW. I WILL "GUIDE" YOU. TO VICTORY.
uu: LIKE ANY PROPER BRO WOULD DO.
uu: AND WIN THIS PATHETIC CARNIVAL. "GAME".
uu: VICARIOUSLY.
uu: THROUGH YOU.
uu: THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.
uu: ALSO WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU.

[Eridan Ampora]

Just as Eridan was about to declare how done he was and presumably kill the man running the game in a fit of righteous sea-dwelling rage, his computer glasses activated and displayed a long string of bright-green words from Caliborn. Eridan raised an eyebrow, watching as the cherub's angered profanity slid into his view, each one followed by the sprightly sound of the Trollian alert noise. The troll groaned slightly. As much as he did enjoy Caliborn's presence - and apparent friendship, although Caliborn seemed to prefer referring to it as "broship" or some weird shit like that - he could get somewhat annoyed with his abrasive attitude. Not that he really expected much else from someone who would grow up to be a world-destroying demon. Still, Eridan figured that he should probably reply to his "bro man friend bro" thing.

CA: wwait wwhat
CA: ok for one thin
CA: howw do you evven knoww im here
CA: second
CA: my aim is fuckin great theres a reason wwhy i wwas able to almost kill sollux that one time

Eridan turned his attention away from Caliborn's messages and back to the game. Unlike Caliborn, Eridan wasn't really one for games. Sure, he enjoyed FLARPing back when Vriska had been his Kismesis, but those days were long gone. Eridan wasn't interested in FLARPing or his old relationships. All he wanted to do was start over, maybe kill most of his old "friends" and move on. Speaking of killing things, Eridan was definitely debating just straight-up killing the man, taking the bracelet and moving on... and why shouldn't he? It wasn't like there was anything the humans surrounding him could do about it. Eridan took another look at Caliborn's messages as they started flooding in again. Damn, he was talkative today... he was probably bored or something. There couldn't really be much to do around that weird mansion he spent most of his time at. Come to think of it, Eridan had been spending quite a bit of time there too.

CA: actually caliborn
CA: i think im just goin to kill this guy or somethin
CA: im gettin really tired of his wweird game yknoww
CA: like wwhy should i evven givve a shit about human games
CA: i think the only real vvictory here is killin this asshole and movvin on

Eridan reached into his pocket and whipped out his wand. The man stepped back, looking worried. Eridan pointed his wand at the man. The wand started sparking with white energy, causing the man to try to jump away. The wand's energy surged forward, shooting out of the wand and right at the man's chest. The energy surrounded the man as it connected and spread around him, seeming to almost electrify him. The group of kids he'd pushed out of the way screamed as the man's corpse hit the ground. Eridan rolled his eyes. "dont be such fuckin grubs seriously calm dowwn it wwas just one asshole" Eridan jumped over the stand and made his way towards the prizes. Of course, none of them were remotely interesting, besides the bracelet.

Eridan took the bracelet and, after a moment of consideration, brushed the remaining plushies to the ground out of sheer spite. He turned around, only to see that the humans had formed a group around the game. None of them had any real weapons, besides one person who was holding a rather large mallet {presumably from one of those "test your strength" games}.

CA: shit

[Caliborn]

Caliborn smashed the keys within his Caltop furiously at Eridan's newest string of messages, and finally, his ruthless murder of the person running the game. It would be inaccurate to say Caliborn didn't appreciate a good ruthless murder: far from it, some of his favorite people had very illustrious careers as ruthless murderers, and it was a skill Caliborn very much appreciated. It even gained Eridan some "Dudemanbro" points. However, what did not gain him points was his refusal to play the game, and the breaking of the rules therein. Caliborn was quick to reprimand him.

uu: OH MY FUCKING GOD.
uu: ERIDAN. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING.
uu: NO. FUCK. STOP.
uu: UGGGH. YOU KILLED HIM.
uu: ADMITTABLY. IN AN AWESOME WAY.
uu: BUT NOW. I CANNOT WIN THE GAME.
uu: THROUGH YOU.
uu: ALSO. YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT SHITTY HUMAN GAMES.
uu: SO YOU CAN WIN THEM. AND DEFEAT THE SHITTY HUMANS.
uu: IN EVERY SINGLE WAY.
uu: YOU DUMB SHIT.
uu: WHAT FUCKING BULLSHIT.
uu: AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN.
uu: IN YOUR HAND.
uu: WELL. AT LEAST YOU TOOK A PRIZE.
uu: FROM YOUR RUTHLESS KILL.
uu: YOU DESERVE CONGRATULATIONS FOR THAT.

Caliborn watched on as a crowd gathered around Eridan. Children watched and burst into annoying human water hysterics. Larger humans loomed over the scene fuming with anger and confusion. Caliborn was also very angry and confused. But in a completely different way. Finally, a particularly notable adult grown human man walked forward, wielding an enormous hammer.

uu: ALSO. A MALLET FUCKER.
uu: YOU KNOW WHAT.
uu: JUST WAIT THERE.


-- undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering caligulasAquarium [CA] --

Caliborn quickly summoned to the forefront of his mind an idea. Ripping off his Caltop and captchaloging his stardust, Caliborn grabbed the Black Scepter he leaned off to the side of him and marched off to the nearby appearifyer. Caliborn had Scratch install the device in case he ever wanted to go anywhere he ever wanted ever. Quickly slapping in some coordinates as detailed by his latest Pesterchum conversation, Caliborn smiled as he gripped his cane before being awash in light.

Suddenly, the carnival grounds were awash in a similar color of light. And seemingly out of nowhere, a robotic foot and booted claw leapt into the picture, and came in sudden and violent contact with the Mallet Fucker's squish human head via a strategically placed ultraviolent drop kick.

"WHAT IS UP BITCHES???"

Caliborn had entered the scene.

[Eridan Ampora]

Although more bright green messages popped up on his glasses, Eridan wasn't really paying attention to them. It seemed to be the normal Caliborn stuff of reprimanding him over something totally irrelevant... not that Eridan really minded. He was kind of annoyed by Caliborn's abrasiveness in pretty much everything ever, but the fact that he even talked to him was reason to keep him around - not to mention that he was kind of awesome in general and it was pretty obvious that he didn't actually hate him... or, maybe that he hated him less than everyone else. Caliborn was difficult to figure out... but, Eridan was pretty sure that he didn't hang out with him because he didn't like having him around. It was pretty great, having someone to actually talk to who wasn't an underhanded douchebag about everything - just a normal douchebag.

One message did manage to catch his eye - the one telling him to wait there. It wouldn't be easy to do that, since the crowd was closing in on him and he didn't exactly want to be on the receiving end of the "mallet fucker"'s mallet. Eridan raised his wand, preparing to blast his way through the crowd of humans... right before Caliborn appeared out of nowhere, smashed the mallet-holding human's head in with a single robo-legged drop kick. Eridan could do nothing but roll his eyes at Caliborn's apparent enthusiasm. Still, he had to admire his love of murdering humans in incredibly brutal ways. Land dweller killing was, of course, one of Eridan's many hobbies. "seriously caliborn its kind of about time you showwed up" Eridan said, as he blasted another human, who was about to attack Caliborn.

Eridan used his wand to blast through the ranks of the humans, using minimal effort in getting rid of them. It wasn't exactly hard when you had hope powers that could destroy basically everything. After a good chunk of the humans were either killed or wounded, the rest fled the scene, leaving Caliborn and Eridan alone. "...and if youre still so fuckin interested in wwinnin that goddamn game then be my guest" Eridan gestured his hand towards the shooting game, which was still set up.

[Caliborn]

Lights flashed. Corn popped. Children screamed. People scattered. Generally in fear. All things considered, Caliborn thought this was a major improvement from his last situation of abject boredom. Another person's body hit the floor behind him, a victim of Eridan's generally impressive hope beams. Ha ha. Hope was always impressive and enjoyable to see up close. At least, Eridan's fantastically destructive hope beams. Princes were cool. Hope was formidable. Hope Princes were formidably cool. Quickly turning to his seadwelling cohort, Caliborn spoke up as he rose from his crouched position at the prone body of the Mallet Fucker.

"JEGUS FUCK ERIDAN. YOU HAD THIS HANDLED. EVEN THOUGH YOU COMPLETELY FAILED YOUR GAME. YOU KILLED LIKE THREE PEOPLE. STOP BITCHING."

Quickly moving past Eridan, he glanced over at the game he failed to win most spectacularly. He looked over at the fallen human carcass Eridan left behind. Then, he glanced at Eridan before yelling/talking to him.

"FUCK YES I WANT TO TRY. MOVE OVER. LET ME SHOW YOU. *A MASTER*. AT WORK."

Caliborn's scepter shifted promptly to that of the Black Rifle. Taking careful aim at the rows of bottles, he saw from the sides of his vision, the fallen cap gun Eridan had been forced to use. Thinking it only fair he play by Eridan's pathetic handicap as well as he could, he took the tiny excuse for a weapon into his claws, setting his real gun down at his side. Unlike Eridan, he would play *by the rules*. Once again, he took aim.

POP.

The cap flew off, pinging onto one of the metal constructs that held aloft the prizes. Flying through free air, the small cork bounced seemingly to nowhere: before finding it's mark at the bottom row of a bottle placement. Then, ricocheting off of that row, it hit a row directly in front of it from behind, sending the bottles crashing to the ground, as the cork fell to the ground by the game vendor's corpse. Looking down at the chaos in front of him, he saw the rows of stuffed animals that lay on the ground. Taking them in his hand, he captchaloged the fluffy earth creatures, taking them as his war trophies. He turned and looked right at Eridan's eyes, grabbing his gun back and throwing the pop gun to the floor.

"PURE. FUCKING. SKILL."

Caliborn's celebratory goading was so strong, that he did not notice a strange shadow that befell the very top of the game's tent. Of course, with an event so small, it would be nigh unlikely that any but the most astute observer would have been able to spot the subtle flash regardless of what or where they were looking.

"AND NO. YOU CANNOT HAVE A FLUFF CREATURE. SO DO NOT BOTHER ASKING."