My Little Kankri: Friendship is Pr96lematic

[Kankri Vantas]

{If it's not obvious, this was supposed to be tagged Celestia, but the title was too long so... the tag goes here :]}

On his first day really doing anything outside of his and Karkat's apartment, Kankri had decided to purchase a new laptop. His old one was getting rather beaten up and useless, though it was nothing compared to the mess of viruses that Karkat called his computer. But, Kankri wasn't about to judge his peers for their choice of computer. Yet, he certainly wanted something better than that... so, he had chosen to go out searching for a new laptop. His journey had, somehow, taken him from New York City to Metropolis. Well, it wasn't like it wasn't somewhat nearby. Besides, Kankri knew that Metropolis supposedly had the best laptops - though, learning how to drive strange human vehicles was something he had yet to do. So, he had taken a bus.

It had been something of a chore listening to the people on the bus speak, so he'd spent the entire ride teaching them all about triggers. It was a two hour bus ride, and by the end Kankri felt like he had condensed too much and not really given them the full story. Oh well. Hopefully, they would take the initiative and look into it themselves. Upon finding himself in Metropolis, Kankri had felt an overwhelming feeling of... oppression. The buildings were large, and each of them housed some sort of large corporation. No doubt all of them were plotting to oppress those beneath them and make everything worse than it already was. Not that it was really helped by the people of Metropolis, all of which he could easily assume were oppressive in their own way. It wasn't quite as bad as New York, nor was it as terrible as listening to Karkat's constant slurs and language, but it was still something he felt like he needed to fix.

Perhaps he could find some way to address the city at large and let them all know about the triggers they likely have no idea about. He was basically a hero, after all - the sort of person who would devote his time to helping other people learn about their oppressive attitudes and consistent triggering. Their problematic behavior wasn't even really their fault, though - it was just the constant pressuring of society to make everyone as oppressive as possible. It was such a difficult cycle - and Kankri felt as though he needed to undermine it. ... But, back on the subject of laptops. Kankri soon reached the store, which was relatively small compared to the massive buildings. As soon as he reached the shop, he noticed a sign hanging on the door. It read "CLOSED FOR THE WEEK". Kankri frowned and crossed his arms.

The owner of this shop would be receiving an email the very moment Kankri returned to his home. But, for now, he needed to find another store...

[Princess Celestia]

What an interesting world Celestia had found herself in.

Perfect? No, not quite. Nothing is. There's always room for growth; there's always lessons to learn. Compared to home, she noticed quite a bit more strife..quite a bit more external danger. But in a place this diverse, with all manner of creatures from all manner of places, chaos was hardly surprising. The variety here was what made this place charming; even if it caused problems, everything would prove worth it once the inhabitants of Earth learned to embrace each other for who they are, and see the similarities that laid beneath even the most different and unusual of skin. What a marvelous example such would be -- surely, if a land like this could find harmony, than anywhere could.

She looked forward to watching those around her embark on a brighter path. Perhaps she could not lead them in the same way she lead her equine subjects -- this was not her land, and that was not her place. The citizens of Equestria were her first priority, and always would be. But that didn't make her powerless. She could still nudge and teach; she could still illuminate truths and reveal the paths of peace and friendship to those in need of a guiding light.

There's more to a land than just its ponies. (People? She had yet to grow fully accustomed to the dialect here.) They are the heart and soul of their territory, certainly, but what they create and what they grow accustomed to means quite a bit. To understand Earth's inhabitants, she needed to understand their culture, their traditions, and their lifestyle. Without that much, the comfort and benefit she could offer remained limited indeed. Certain truths and wisdoms were universal, but she also needed to be able to comprehend and offer practical plans that fit this world.

Today, the alicorn's pursuit of Earth-saviness brought her here, to learn of the impressive and quite unusual technology she often saw humans using. She'd often seen metal boxes, shaped like sideways books and giving off light to illuminate its magically appearing contents...these, she'd learned, were called "laptops," and were a sort of "computer." Perhaps she could even acquire one of her own, provided they had one that would suit her hooves. At the least, it would make an interesting conversation piece among her own kind. She'd rather enjoy seeing the look on Twilight Sparkle's face when she showed her a book that could hold more books!

She chose to come unescorted. No chariot, no guards -- simply the princess herself, flying above and between tall buildings of metal and glass. With how complicatedly built this city was, and how scarce parking seemed to be, it was much less fuss this way. Today was a good day to take to the skies and stretch her wings; the weather was clear and crisp, and the warm sun felt quite nice on her fur. When she finally reached her destination, Celestia dove down, diving before gently lowering herself with a few powerful, gusty wingbeats. Hooves clopping sharply, she trotted up to the nearby sign on the small establishment..only to read that it was closed. "How unfortunate," she mused, frowning contemplatively. Still, this could not possibly be the only computer store here.

Turning to continue her search, Celestia saw..a human? No, that wasn't right. He had horns, and his skin was an unusual shade. Then again, perhaps he was the human equivalent of a unicorn. Quite interesting! She would definitely have to ask him about that. "Good day!" the alicorn said, voice melodic and pleasant. "You wouldn't happen to know if there's another one of these computer stores around here, would you?"

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[Kankri Vantas]

As Kankri was walking away, he heard the sound of a rather pleasant voice from behind him. Turning around, he expected to see a human or troll - or perhaps something else. There wasn't much variety in the species on Earth, which was another disquieting matter that he would likely be bringing to light on his blog once he was able to find a new computer. Hopefully, he would be able to reveal the clear species suppression that was hidden within Earth's society. Then, he would be able to begin revealing the other many problematic things about Earth society, starting with the clear problem with closing down a laptop store in the middle of the day on a weekday. From there, Kankri would be able to reveal any problems he saw fit to reveal.

Instead of a troll, Kankri was met with the sight of a large, white horse (or, rather, flying unicorn it seemed). How the horse had spoken, he had no idea, but he wasn't about to question it. It would be highly outrageous of him to question why someone was talking - not to mention problematic. Instead, Kankri was very willing to talk about the laptop store and all of the problems it had. So, he began. "Yes, hell9." Kankri said. "My name is Kankri Vantas. I see y9u, t99, are l99king f9r a lapt9p and f9und the 9nly near6y st9re cl9sed. I feel the need t9 tell y9u exactly why the st9re was cl9sed, 6ut first I'd like t9 let y9u kn9w 9f any p9tential triggers that can 6e f9und in my w9rds."

"Triggers include, 6ut are p9ssi6ly n9t limited t9 species racism, human culture 6ashing, lapt9p shaming, species shaming, class shaming, h9rn shaming and m9st likely several m9re, and if y9u happen t9 6e triggered please tell me t9 st9p s9 that I can rew9rd 9r skip a certain part 9f it. T9 start 9ff, I w9uld like t9 c9mment 9n the clear 9ppressi9n 9f tr9lls and h9rses alike in this s9ciety, which is clearly n9ted in h9w we were 69th kept 9ut 9f the st9re. We were, 9f c9urse, kept 9ut 6ecause 9f 9ur respective species, which are n9t the status qu9 9f Earth. It seems humans are una6le t9 accept th9se wh9 are different fr9m them, which is especially apparent in h9w pe9ple are reacting t9 9ur presences here."

[Princess Celestia]

Celestia listened intently as the other -- who introduced himself as Kankri Vantas -- spoke, launching into a long explanation about...triggers? She had never heard such a term used in such a manner; devices had buttons and levers to trigger them, and some events triggered other events, but she couldn't imagine what either of those definitions, or any of the definitions she could think of, had to do with shame. Though unfamiliar, Celestia could decipher some of the "triggers" Kankri Vantas mentioned simply from context clues -- racism, culture bashing, class bias...all terrible matters indeed, born of ignorance to fuel more ignorance. Just because somepony is different does not mean they are inferior or wrong. Those of different cultures, creeds, and backgrounds had much to offer, not only in terms of simple comradeship, but in terms of moral lessons and new perspectives as well.

Some of the other terms he used, however, rather baffled the princess. Laptop shaming? Horn shaming? Were these things an indicator of social status and wealth in this society? She had never heard of such a thing. Clearly, she had been right when she assumed that she knew far too little about humans. And possibly about trolls as well..assuming, of course, that his monologue meant he was a troll, as it implied. He had the grey skin of Equestrian cave trolls..but he lacked their towering height, cracked tusks, and striking lack of intelligence. Quite odd indeed...but odd things aren't always bad!

His explanation, however, sounded quite unlikely. Earth may have been rife with danger and discord, but she had yet to notice any widespread hostility on account of her species. There had been baffled stares, yes, as well as the delighted shrieking from human fillies and disbelieving chuckles from their parents..but hatred? Not quite.

Manners always come first. Before anything else, etiquette demanded she introduce herself. With a friendly nod, she said, "A pleasure. I am Princess Celestia." With an amused lilt in her voice, she continued and said, "Perhaps the store closing it less a matter of prejudice and more..its owners being busy? They could be on vacation, or too busy with personal matters to run their business. A whole week is a long time to shut down on account of just the two of us."

She also noted that he said this was the only store of this sort nearby. Disappointing, but not overly so -- even if she had to travel quite some distance, her abilities would make such an endeavor quite easy. She certainly didn't mind the opportunity to explore this fascinating world even more.

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[Kankri Vantas]

A princess, hm? Kankri raised an eyebrow, his mouth curling into a slight frown. Royalty wasn't exactly known for it's kindness, even on Beforus where they supposedly had a "kind" Queen - though, in Kankri's humble opinion, her "kindness" wasn't as kind as she believed. In fact, she seemed highly prejudiced against highbloods, as an almost guilt for having longer lifespans. Kankri scoffed slightly, crossing his arms and giving Celestia a condescending glance. She didn't seem to have listened to a word he said - it was highly possible that, since she was royalty, she had no idea what it felt like to be oppressed. Kankri would have to tell her.

He would have to tell her everything.

"F9r starters, I w9uld like t9 p9int 9ut that, due t9 y9ur apparently r9yal p9siti9n, it seems t9 me that y9u w9uldn't have a... 9verlt am9unt 9f understanding 9n the subject 9f 9ppressi9n, at least n9t 9n the level I d9. See, a r9yal cann9t, 6y nature, 6e 9ppressed, at least n9t in the same way that 9thers are. Acting like y9u have 6een 9ppressed w9uld likely 6e an 9utright lie. If y9u w9uld excuse my 6luntness, I feel as th9ugh y9u aren't putting as much credit int9 my claims as I w9uld like y9u t9. It may 6e a quality c9mm9n in y9ur w9rld, th9ugh I can't 6e sure. If y9u feel triggered 6y any of th9se statements, please tell me s9 that I can av9id such t9pics."

"N9w, 9n t9 the next p9int 9f c9nversati9n... It appears t9 me that the pe9ple here have n9 idea what either 9f us are. As I said 6ef9re, humans seem t9 have much tr9uble understanding pe9ple different fr9m them, which usually results in a vi9lent 9r 9therwise lewd reacti9n. Alth9ugh many humans d9n't react in such a way, it is a simple fact that s9me, if n9t m9st, d9. In fact, just recently I was a victim 9f species shaming at the hands 9f several humans, n9ne 9f which underst99d what I was. They asked me if I had s9me s9rt 9f skin c9nditi9n and, when I t9ld them extensively what I was, they seemed taken a6ack, as if afraid. 9f c9urse, this left me feeling rather put 9ut, as species shaming always d9es. It w9uldn't surprise me if m9re humans were hateful t9wards us and wanted t9 cl9se d9wn st9res to av9id 9ur presence."

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[Princess Celestia]

Kankri Vantas certainly did talk a lot.

Again, not necessarily a bad thing. Truthfully, she didn't find it to be a charming quality in the slightest, at least in this case, but...she had encountered far worse, and she had no issues showing tolerance. He was clearly emotionally invested in matters of oppression and prejudice, as well as in these "triggers" he so frequently mentioned. Who was she to begrudge him the right to peacefully speak his mind? And so, she continued to listen, expression gentle and understanding as she listened to his long rant. Even if he seemed less than thrilled about her - judging by the way his expression changed upon her introduction, the troll wasn't exactly a fan of royalty - she didn't mind continuing to try and understand his point of view. Understanding breeds acceptance and friendship.

Celestia wasn't oppressed. That, she could agree with. As an alicorn princess, pony society afforded her the highest of honors and endless respect -- those around her saw her and knew she was destined to be a leader. Alicorns are royals, and royals rule. It's a simple fact, and not one that gave her delusions of superiority or the desire to put down others. Her predetermined role was simply different than the norm; Equestria needed many types of ponies to function. Everypony had something that made them useful and special, and nopony was "better" than the others because of it. But surely, not being oppressed didn't mean she couldn't understand the concept.

Regardless, she was still completely sure this particular store closing wasn't a matter of oppression. Continuing to argue the point, however, felt increasingly moot the longer Kankri Vantas spoke. It wasn't terribly important, and wouldn't accomplish much of anything. She felt a twinge of pity for the poor owners of the locked establishment, but doubted one troll's cries of oppression and shaming would have any real negative consequence for them.

As he told Celestia a story of his recent experience, the alicorn's expression became one of sympathy, her mouth curling into a small frown as her bright eyes remained soft. What an unfortunate tale indeed. Prejudice was such an ugly thing. Treating others with ill will and hurting their feelings is always an unpleasant action, but doing it simply because of who one is or how they were born is even worse. Given what he had been through, Celestia could understand why Kankri Vantas was rather uptight, and took these matters so seriously.

"Many humans are unused to those who are different, yes," she said. "And I'm very sorry about how that group treated you. Nopony deserves to be put down like that." Her tone was soft and sincere, reflecting the legitimate compassion she felt for this troll. She hardly knew him, and she already could tell he was at least a bit of a handful..but his experience sounded awful.

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[Kankri Vantas]

Just as Kankri was about to continue on his long, red-text filled rant, he was cut off with... something he couldn't exactly respond in the way he wanted to with. Her statement was, in fact, totally flawless and well-intentioned, with no triggers at all. What was she playing at? Kankri narrowed his eyes slightly, upset that he wasn't allowed to continue on with his rant. On the other hand, he wasn't quite sure what she meant by "everypony". Certainly, it sounded like "everyone", but.... Could that be some strange attempt at a pun? The combined efforts of Meenah and Horuss had ensured that Kankri never wanted to hear another pun again - especially horse puns. On the other hand, "pony" didn't even sound like "one"...

Could it be that she was from another world, and that her world had some new way of talking or something? Even then, it didn't make sense. It wasn't as if he said "everytroll" or humans said "everyhuman". However, he realized, he shouldn't judge other civilizations for their ways. Such things could be highly triggering, if said to the right person - and if there was one thing Kankri tried his best to avoid, it was triggers. On the other hand... he was very confused, and slightly interested. A totally different civilization could potentially be interesting, especially since she was obviously different from humans. "... Well, yes, I supp9se y9u are right. H9wever, humans aren't the same as tr9lls 9r... h9rses. T9 shame their ways c9uld 6e s9mewhat triggering."

And that was it. He needed to ask. He needed to know what she meant by "somepony". The curiosity was eating him from the inside out and the need to discover more about a totally different culture... but, he would need to word this in a way to not trigger her. "... I have t9 ask. I am terri6ly s9rry if anything I say 6ey9nd this p9int triggers y9u, and y9u are free t9 st9p me if y9u are triggered... 6ut, what d9 y9u mean 6y "s9mep9ny"?

[Princess Celestia]

Sometimes, a sympathetic ear is all others need. It didn't matter whether or not Celestia agreed with Kankri Vantas's general outlook, or his already apparent tendency to see oppression in just about everything. What mattered was that he had been mistreated, and that alone was something she could sympathize with, even if she couldn't quite empathize or claim to know first-hoof what it was like. She doubted that group of humans he described had been completely malicious; most likely, they had been simply ignorant, uncertain of how to react to something so different and new. At most, they could have been misguided -- just a few of many who amused themselves and uplifted themselves by hurting others. But those types deserved care as well; though they rarely recognized it, they only denied themselves true happiness with their behavior. But for one being actively antagonized by those unfortunate souls, it had to be hard to fully see how sad their aggressors really are. And she couldn't ask Kankri Vantas, or anypony else in a similar situation, to do so.

It also appeared that her responses had managed to spare her another rant. Quite nice; in all honesty, she wasn't terribly excited to sit through another.

Still, she had to be mindful of her words. She always was, make no mistake -- speaking is an art, be it in speeches or a casual conversation such as this. She simply had to be extra careful this time. The alicorn had no intention of "shaming" humans with her words; she had merely spoken fact, fueled by her observations. Compared to her fellow ponies, humans seemed more surprised by and wary of those who were different. Given how long they had presumably been alone on this planet, it didn't surprise her. Besides, it was a universal flaw. Even ponykind could be overly quick to judge those who seem suspicious or dangerous -- some of her subjects' reactions to her sister's return after her reformation came to mind. What a task it had been, convincing them that Luna was simply Luna, and not Nightmare Moon.

But with the aforementioned mindfulness at the forefront of her thoughts, rather than elaborate or explain herself she simply said, "It suppose it could be."

His next question took the princess by surprise, prompting a small raise of her brow as she gave a thoughtful hum. As mentioned before, she had yet to grow fully accustomed to the dialects here -- it was only natural that others would find her own speech odd. Still, she had no desire to mold her speech to fit human standards, or the standards of any other race, beyond what was necessary to communicate powerfully and effectively. She was proud of her identity and her species; as a visitor to this world, she was an ambassador of ponykind, tasked with sharing their ways to those who took interest. "Somepony is the same as.." she paused, thinking of an equivalent term. It came quickly. "Someone. Or somebody, I suppose." With a small chuckle, she added, "It's a commonplace term where I come from. I suppose it must sound a little strange to those who aren't ponies!"

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