S-Mart Public Service Announcement

[Liquid Snake]

All throughout America, everyone was settling in to watch some good prime time television. Ah, the old electric babysitter, and in some cases second spouse. Those that didn't live in zombie plagued areas still tuned into it. Even those who did live in danger zones watched TV, if not to catch an important PSA, then to drown out the crushing reality with their favorite program. Indeed, everyone, American or otherwise, had a favorite television show. Whatever that show might be at this hour was sadly interrupted, however.

All major broadcasting companies, and some minor ones, had their signals jammed. At that moment, cable, satellite or otherwise was hijacked. At first, there was just a motionless screen that read Important Public Service Announcement. Please stand by.. That was replaced by blackness that slowly faded into picture. Black and white picture to be exactly, like from the 1950s era. Stereotypical happy-go-lucky music from the same era also began to play, all the while a man dressed in a casual suit and tie walked out on stage.

"Friends, are you tired of chronic zombie problems?" he said in the casual, sickeningly friendly demeanor of a 1950s car salesman in a TV ad. "With the upcoming holiday season, here's some safety tips to keep you and your family safe." He then gestured toward the curtain, which opened up and allowed for a female co-host to step out and into the spotlight.

[mitsuko]

As the happy-go-lucky music which could make even a zombie attack almost seem comical continued, the woman revealed behind the curtain smiled like one of those picture perfect women of the 1950's as thought to match the mood perfectly. Even though she wasn't dressed up like some sort of house wife, her hair was tied back in a bun and wearing a business suit as well, save for the fact instead of pants she wore a knee high skirt and pumps. As though she was showing off a shiny prize with one hand upon her hip and using the other to motion over to the board. The writing upon it seemed to have a slightly classic flair to it, much like the commercial itself. What did it say? Well that was a job for the host to read off each and every bullet which would light up. All she'd do is move her hand with each one as he read, standing there looking pretty with a smile across her lips that almost seemed permanent.

Well they WERE explaining safety tips so it emphasized the whole...beneficial safeness to it all. Smiling so much was very much like torture at this moment. The woman who felt like she was on some sort of old school game show certainly hoped that her face wouldn't be stuck with that `picture perfect 1950's smile` she was sporting. ...just watch...she was going to some how have nightmares about all this smiling she had to do. Oh with that music going on in the background, it was like just about any day could be made of sunshine and roses while classic cars drove into the sunset on the world's cleanest highway. As though this world really could become picture perfect if the viewer were to follow these tips!

[Liquid Snake]

Once the female assistant/co-host stepped out unto the stage, the man in the suit and tie looked toward her, then back toward the camera and gave the most sickeningly happy grin one could imagine. Indeed, they even threw in a special effect to make his teeth sparkle.

Once his co-host motioned over to the blank white board, bullets and messages began to pop up, which coincided with what the host himself was saying.

"We now know that the zombie outbreak is caused by a dreaded virus," he said, prompting an Oh No! message to start flashing in the left hand corner of the screen, before continuing with "which spreads much like the rabies virus, either by biting or scratching."

The camera panned out some and slightly toward the right, revealing a ravenous zombie in chains. It pulled against it's restraints, desperate to nibble on the host. The host in turn motioned toward his female co-host. The next part of the commercial would require him using a rifle...

[mitsuko]

Moving her hand perfectly to each bullet while flashing off that smile as he read them off. When it came to that `Oh no!` prompt, she moved her free hand over her mouth and let her eyes widen a bit as she matched it. Hell, she even threw in an overly exaggerated `GASP` to make it all the better. Moving her hand back onto her hip as she maintained that pretty smile of her's as though she could be featured in a magazine, she slightly tilted her head to the side as he continued. However, when her eyes caught a glimpse of the camera panning a bit to the right, that's when she made herself look a little surprised when seeing the zombie, as though her composure read off `OHMIGAWD~!`and turned to the side and reached off screen.

Then da da da DA! The female co-host brought out a rifle with a triumphant smile across her lips and walked over to the host with the beautiful rifle in her grasp, holding it with oh so much care before handing it over. It was like handing him the holy grail or some kinda holy hand grenade with the way it was being passed on. Whenever he took it though, she would motion to him and then to the chained up zombie wanting to have them for a meaty snack time as though to quietly tell the audience `Observe!`. Was the lovely co-host still smiling? Of course she was because the next step was so GOSH DARN helpful to their viewers!

[Liquid Snake]

One of the key highlights of this commercial was about to commence. Indeed, this would probably be the feature about this commercial that people would talk about generations to come. No doubt there would be no shortages of Youtube videos featuring it, and outright parodying it. Good. All the better to get the message out.

The man took the rifle from his co-host, a pleasant smile never once leaving his face. In fact, it made him seem less helpful and much more menacing. He cocked the gun and aimed it at the zombie, his grin giving him all the detached serenity of a psychopath. Finally, he fired. And fired. And fired. He would shoot a couple more times, in fact, some rounds catching the zombie dead in the torso and one blowing off it's left arm. All to no avail, of course.

The undead feign was stunned, but not in pain. It didn't bellow and once the barrage was over, it kept pulling at its restraints in an attempt to free itself and chow down on the host and co-host. The host, on the other hand, didn't seem to pay it any mind. He continued with, "As you can plainly see, the virus reanimates the brain and other tissue so that the carrier literally becomes walking dead. Suffers from this virus apparently loose all ability to think or reason, including the ability to feel pain. They seem only motivated by the most basic of instincts and reflexes, namely the need to eat."

The zombie unwittingly confirmed this observation and those out there watching, which was virtually everyone at this point, got a big dose of reality. It wasn't anything supernatural. It wasn't God judging them. It was a virus. Nothing more. While the viewers were enlightened, the host took one last aim at the zombie and fired off his last round. It caught the creature dead in the head, causing it to explode. With no brain matter, the creature fell to the floor, dead in a deeper sense now.

"But fear not. As you can see, this menace can be combated. Although damage to limbs and other body parts seem to have little to no effect, destroying the victim's brain matter instantly neutralizes the threat. However, take care that you are not infected by ingestion, biting, scratching, or otherwise."

On cue, the camera went from focusing on the host, co-host and dead zombie to a make believe scene set up on the studio. In this scene, a man dressed in a poorly done licker outfit feigned scratching at a young couple, who apparently were on a picnic. "Grr! Rawr!" exclaimed the man dressed as a licker before the man in the couple pulled out a fake gun and yelled "Bang!" The fake licker made some cliche' dying noises and then lay on the ground motionless.

"Oh no, Rob!" said the woman of the couple. "It looks like you were bitten!" "Looks like he got you too, Susan." "Uh-oh," said the host's voice from off camera. "Something will have to be done about that." While off camera, the host handed his co-host the rifle. The intention? The script called for the couple to be shot and killed.

For real.

[mitsuko]

Standing upright, she motioned her hand over to the zombie like it was some sort of fancy muscle car worth looking at as the host fired away at it. However, her smile left her lips and more like leading into a gasp bringing the finishing touches to her composure that many may call a `surprised house wife` look as though it was possible for a man to actually make their own meals in the kitchen when all those awful rounds didn't do much of anything! Putting her hand upon her cheek for the finishing touch, the lovely co-host looked over to the man who could probably sport a straight jacket quite well as he explained that their gimped zombie friend was being reanimated by a virus. Blinking a couple of times, she smiled like the world was made of gumdrops and sunshine before having this `Oh! I see!` sort of expression. Hopefully their audience would soak this in and learn that all these zombies want is to eat their brains and shooting anywhere but the head is a waste of ammunition.

One had to give that chained up monstrosity credit though, STILL clawing away at them and only having one arm! What a trooper, confirming the words of the host like that! However, when the host soon decided to plant the last round square in the zombie's head making it go ka-fricken-boom leaving only the remains of its body to collapse upon the floor, she walked over to it showing that it really was dead and no longer a threat. Motioning her hands down, she tilted her head to the side and continued smiling as though to quietly say `Ta daaa!`with her features while the host told the audience that those infected with the virus could be combated and they should take care not to get infected themselves. Soon after, the camera shifted over to a scene complete with possibly the world's tackiest licker costume and cliche couple. So she made her way back over to the host's side readying herself for the next scene. Oh noes! The happy couple who just wanted to have a picnic were being attacked by the `licker`!

What ever were they going to do?! Bust out the fake gun and deal with the threat, of course! Even though it appeared to be defeated thanks to a fake gun's BANG announced by good ol' Rob, it seemed like they got scratched! Uh oh, they both knew that meant trouble and trouble could only be handled one way around here. The host's words were so very wise, or at least that's what the folks behind the screens witnessing all of this may think. Taking the reloaded rifle from him, she was now going to show the world that this is so easy a WOMAN can do it! Not completely sure why the script called for such a brutal result as she took aim with that pretty ol' smile across her lips...but the show must go on!

With Rob locked in her sights, a squeeze of the trigger planted a pretty bullet in his head causing quite the fleshy explosion which splattered poor poor Susan. That's alright though, she was going to join him soon to demonstrate all threats must be eliminated! In fact, she readjusted her target to Susan's head and pulled the trigger once more giving her a point blank death like her `hero`, Rob. What a bloody mess it was with the two corpses landing with a thud upon the ground. Posing with the murder weapon, she wasn't sure if they were going to demonstrate the double tap rule for lickers...but if the script was going to call for that too...the audience should hold onto their seats and prepare to lose YET another actor! Either way though, there went the `potential problem`!

[Liquid Snake]

Indeed, why would the script call for the brutal murder of two, soon to be three, innocents? Perhaps to desensitize and numb up the audience out there watching in TV land. After all, could you really afford to be kind and compassionate when your loved one becomes infected and starts coming after you? Then again, maybe it was merely to drive the point home. Something like this would not soon be forgotten, after all.

Of course, there would be those that would dismiss it as special effects, even while hearing Susan's blood curdling over Rob's head exploding before joining him. As would be expected with something that was kept a secret until the last moment, the actor in the poorly done licker outfit rose up, rather awkwardly due to his costume, and began to spout out obscenities.

"Hey man, WHAT THE FU....?!?!"

But he quickly met a similar fate, though not as messy. His death came from a clean and accurate handgun. Not the cudgel that is the shotgun. A simple bloody hole in his head and he fell over backward just before the host of the show stepped into view right beside his female co-host.

"So remember, all of you out there in TV land. Be cautious. Be sober. And be vigilant."

The happy go lucky music suddenly reached its conclusion, winding down in a final, long blow of the trumpets, as the screen faded to white. The words This Has Been An S-Mart Public Service Announcement. Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart. came into view in white font, clashing with the black background, before the TV screens all across America, and perhaps beyond, staticed over again and resumed playing whatever TV program was supposed to be playing at whatever time on whatever channel the TV had been tuned into.